So I was reading this article that says, how most species do not recognise the concept of fidelity, and how it is not a natural thing for any specie including the human being. And I ve heard such arguments countless times before (mostly when people want to justify their own infidel behaviours).
Well, sure, it's not natural. Even human being don't just have a natural instinct to stay faithful -but then the social structure is such that they condition themselves into it, make constant efforts to get there. And it would be wrong to condemn everything that goes as a "social" norm - which often people take up as a practice.
The coin had two side, so does the societal conditioning. Depending upon what society you are born in , and what values you are brought up with you develop a belief system, and I think it is not justified for anybody to condemn it with the comment that this is against nature.
Let me take the example of the lions - the kings of the jungle, the wild. When a new male appears on the horizon, he challenges the existing male of the lion family for the possession of the female lioness (I wanted to say affection initially – but then come on, who are we kidding). So they fight a bloody battle . . . till one of them is killed. Let's say our old head of the family is killed and a new lion is reinstated as the king. Among the first things he does, besides fertilizing the lioness is the fact that he hunts down every cub of the previous king, and kills it. And the lioness, can do nothing, but watch or maybe turn a blind eye.
Maternal instincts are natural aren't they? So how does she let this happen? Or how helpless she might be to let something like this happen?
And this behaviour may not be entirely unheard of - the history is replete with incidents bordering the barbarism of untamed lions, and power tussles just as gory as the one above.
And that's why I feel, society is not such a bad thing. It has in it a collective consciousness of generations, which we are quick to overlook when the ways of the world do not suite our bidding. Yet we all live in it, and survive within its dominion, so maybe deep in our hearts we all know how imperative it is to our survival.
Ours is supposed to be a generation that is unable to grasp or rather truly appreciate the concept of marriage. We are more whimsical and accustomed to getting most our whims satisfied. We are in a time where everything comes easy, so we believe - why work hard for anything at all. Alright, so u do not do the hard work, you do not fight the "natural instincts"– but then don't crib that your emotional life is a hell, and your escapades with the opposite sex meaningless.
And please don't say that the society should change its way of thinking and that polygamy or whatever should be an accepted norm. It will bring in a lot of other natural instincts into direct conflict, and you don't want to get there.
To sum it all up, we are often quick to jump to conclusions that society is bad, the conditioning is bad, and the mind blocks are unfair. But take a moment and think - what if we weren't the civilised race, what if we too just lived by nature and instincts all the time, what if all we had to worry about was food and survival every moment . . .
And, I can't help recalling this episode from FRIENDS (yeah yeah I am all fixated with it) where Monica tells Chandler that she does not believe in soul mates, but she does believe in the fact that they are two individuals who love each other and work hard at their marriage – some days work really hard.
:)
Showing posts with label men n women. Show all posts
Showing posts with label men n women. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Can't Buy Me Looove
There's an overdose of red and chocolate in the air. The media and commercial spaces have just gone crazy with it. The TV, Radio, shopping malls and newspapers - it's just about everywhere.
The red hearts, the chocolates, the bunnies, the roses , and diamonds - somebody gimme a break from the hoopla of St. Valentine's Day.
I don't scorn the idea of love, or expressing and sharing it, but in all this glitz the real love is a little lost, and bright jazz is all that seems to thrive. It maybe feel "cool" to be doing all those nicey mushy things - bust just imagine the pressure to perform on such days! And it ain't any friend of your pocket either.
I cant go wrong - it's the Valentine's day. Poor lovers - they have to make a statement more to the world, rather than have a cozy word for each other.
"So what are you doing on the V Day?" is another question they have to dodge all the time. And imagine the "Ohs" and "Ahs" if somebody falls a little short!
I could have a terrible day's work (how many software enggs can reschedule that darn important customer call at 8AM PST - which 9:30 PM IST btw), or have a serious stomach cramp (oh am sorry, my monthly cycle didn't take into account the facet that there ll be a valentine's day) - and you get to hear at least one of these - "Oh so sad, you had a terrible V day" Or - "What! He didn't have time to meet you on THE V Day".
As if at least one party would not have been upset already with any of the above fiascos, there ll be a bunch of thousands to sigh and fuel the fire at the moment.
And then there's a whole bunch of those who are single - this is the day when we will wipe them off the face of earth! "Aww, you don't have a valentine" or "C'mon, get a gal" or worst still "So who are you gonna ask out for the V Day". These poor people have even higher performance pressures.
To sum it up - all I am saying is, it is a great idea, but the way we are implementing and executing it - is horrendous.
A friend said and beautifully so -
"Well, the way I look at it is that V Day is a day , just another day , but then a day when you make your love feel nice . . . . and not that you don't the other . . . . even just a flower, but given with real meaning can beat a whole load of goodies, or just a hug can replace a huge bunch of roses . . ."
Perfect, I de love a V day like that - but this coated in sugary chocolate, dipped in rose syrup, and adored with pinky bunnies ad sprinkled with diamonds day - is so not for me.
Hope you survive the day. :)
And this is how The Beatles say - Can's buy me love
P.S. A word for - Indian Culture Enthusiasts who will be special guests of honor that day - get a life!
The red hearts, the chocolates, the bunnies, the roses , and diamonds - somebody gimme a break from the hoopla of St. Valentine's Day.
I don't scorn the idea of love, or expressing and sharing it, but in all this glitz the real love is a little lost, and bright jazz is all that seems to thrive. It maybe feel "cool" to be doing all those nicey mushy things - bust just imagine the pressure to perform on such days! And it ain't any friend of your pocket either.
I cant go wrong - it's the Valentine's day. Poor lovers - they have to make a statement more to the world, rather than have a cozy word for each other.
"So what are you doing on the V Day?" is another question they have to dodge all the time. And imagine the "Ohs" and "Ahs" if somebody falls a little short!
I could have a terrible day's work (how many software enggs can reschedule that darn important customer call at 8AM PST - which 9:30 PM IST btw), or have a serious stomach cramp (oh am sorry, my monthly cycle didn't take into account the facet that there ll be a valentine's day) - and you get to hear at least one of these - "Oh so sad, you had a terrible V day" Or - "What! He didn't have time to meet you on THE V Day".
As if at least one party would not have been upset already with any of the above fiascos, there ll be a bunch of thousands to sigh and fuel the fire at the moment.
And then there's a whole bunch of those who are single - this is the day when we will wipe them off the face of earth! "Aww, you don't have a valentine" or "C'mon, get a gal" or worst still "So who are you gonna ask out for the V Day". These poor people have even higher performance pressures.
To sum it up - all I am saying is, it is a great idea, but the way we are implementing and executing it - is horrendous.
A friend said and beautifully so -
"Well, the way I look at it is that V Day is a day , just another day , but then a day when you make your love feel nice . . . . and not that you don't the other . . . . even just a flower, but given with real meaning can beat a whole load of goodies, or just a hug can replace a huge bunch of roses . . ."
Perfect, I de love a V day like that - but this coated in sugary chocolate, dipped in rose syrup, and adored with pinky bunnies ad sprinkled with diamonds day - is so not for me.
Hope you survive the day. :)
And this is how The Beatles say - Can's buy me love
P.S. A word for - Indian Culture Enthusiasts who will be special guests of honor that day - get a life!
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Blogging on Blogging
So,they decided to sit up and take notice.
NDTV did an episode exploring blogging, and ironic or lucky it was one of my fav shows - We The People (and to be a hundred percent honest I watch it more for Barkha Dutt than the debates sometimes).
HERE is the link for all those of you who may have missed it or would like to revisit.
And suddenly it had the blogger in me awakened, which anyways goes for regular naps pretty irregularly.
To me the whole world of whirlwind thoughts is so exhilarating. And for people who like the dynamism and surprises in life - and have the courage to HANDLE it, blogsville sure is a place to be.
In fact just a couple of days ago I dived into my archives (another of my regular activities) and brought out, read and shared posts which I am rather proud of. Well, most of them had a pretty feminist's tone to it, but what the hell, that's one issue that gets me going so be it. I like to read write about it, it concerns me, and gets me thinking.
And this is the part that I liked best from the debate (on that link) - that this space and medium is about choice; so why should we put up with all the melodrama and endless discussions rather than just exercise our choice.
And whats so bad in expression anyway?
The same people who would applaud the (not so new anymore) Airtel adv., which essentially says that we can break all barriers if we talk (read express or connect), may not be able to expand the context of the idea and apply it to issues that bloggers often talk about - morality, sexuality and society.
Because when you are really down to the business of bringing down walls, well, not all of them may be simple and pretty, and some of them may have a lot of moss and dirt lurching on and around them.
So, does one stick to the agenda, and just go hit the wall - no matter how controversial it is, or safely lurk around and pass it by coz it is too messy to touch?
And the rest of the media is pointing fingers at the Internet, saying it is unregulated. But they forget to mention all the fine prints they put out there - "The opinions expressed in this show are of the people only and not necessarily the television company" or "the editor's opinion, and not that of the newspaper".
I applaud all the bloggers out there who address such issues either as a social essay or as part of their personal experiences. I write a personal blog, and I know its tougher writing about myself than why the finances of a certain country may not be looking too bright!!!
Yet, a part of me is was saddened by the show. Even though it is well accepted that it is only human to take the easy way out, I think if every time we try and be politically correct , the real voices may never be heard. And am not an expert, but I do understand that social changes are slow and often live in undercurrents.
So maybe thats what blogging is - about people who realize that enough of the candy floss newspapers and TV channels, that are often biases or censored or plainly subjected to the sponsor's whim in their opinion or reporting. We got to find a different way of talking about all that has been swept under the carpet for so long . . . . so why not take the responsibility onto ourselves, and be the drop today that might be the ocean of a future.
And please, since it is the season of disclaimers, I de like to say, not all NEWS news is opinionated, nor all Internet reasonably responsible communication.
And, just to highlight the irony inherent there - and this maybe digressing too during my recent trip to US I was listening to these two gentlemen debate the democrat and republican scenario of the presidential election at diner table and then one of them at some point said:
"I choose what news I read, and that's why I got to the Internet. What you heard is wrong, and maybe you should check the source of your news."
And then in a later conversation with me, where I like a typical hospitable Indian invited him over, he said :
"Oh but I read there are monkeys out there on the streets everywhere and I wouldn't risk coming to India."
To which, I had the perfect opportunity to quote him onto himself -
"What you heard is wrong, and maybe you should check the source of your news."
So its not a perfect world, so what, don't we learn enough about that every day. We blog, with pride and passion, and with imperfections. Yet we love it.
As a footnote :
I ve been blogging - reading and writing - for six(ish) years now, and I am proud of it. I just think this is a great place to be. And not every one can handle it, so the faint hearted needn't stress themselves out.
NDTV did an episode exploring blogging, and ironic or lucky it was one of my fav shows - We The People (and to be a hundred percent honest I watch it more for Barkha Dutt than the debates sometimes).
HERE is the link for all those of you who may have missed it or would like to revisit.
And suddenly it had the blogger in me awakened, which anyways goes for regular naps pretty irregularly.
To me the whole world of whirlwind thoughts is so exhilarating. And for people who like the dynamism and surprises in life - and have the courage to HANDLE it, blogsville sure is a place to be.
In fact just a couple of days ago I dived into my archives (another of my regular activities) and brought out, read and shared posts which I am rather proud of. Well, most of them had a pretty feminist's tone to it, but what the hell, that's one issue that gets me going so be it. I like to read write about it, it concerns me, and gets me thinking.
And this is the part that I liked best from the debate (on that link) - that this space and medium is about choice; so why should we put up with all the melodrama and endless discussions rather than just exercise our choice.
And whats so bad in expression anyway?
The same people who would applaud the (not so new anymore) Airtel adv., which essentially says that we can break all barriers if we talk (read express or connect), may not be able to expand the context of the idea and apply it to issues that bloggers often talk about - morality, sexuality and society.
Because when you are really down to the business of bringing down walls, well, not all of them may be simple and pretty, and some of them may have a lot of moss and dirt lurching on and around them.
So, does one stick to the agenda, and just go hit the wall - no matter how controversial it is, or safely lurk around and pass it by coz it is too messy to touch?
And the rest of the media is pointing fingers at the Internet, saying it is unregulated. But they forget to mention all the fine prints they put out there - "The opinions expressed in this show are of the people only and not necessarily the television company" or "the editor's opinion, and not that of the newspaper".
I applaud all the bloggers out there who address such issues either as a social essay or as part of their personal experiences. I write a personal blog, and I know its tougher writing about myself than why the finances of a certain country may not be looking too bright!!!
Yet, a part of me is was saddened by the show. Even though it is well accepted that it is only human to take the easy way out, I think if every time we try and be politically correct , the real voices may never be heard. And am not an expert, but I do understand that social changes are slow and often live in undercurrents.
So maybe thats what blogging is - about people who realize that enough of the candy floss newspapers and TV channels, that are often biases or censored or plainly subjected to the sponsor's whim in their opinion or reporting. We got to find a different way of talking about all that has been swept under the carpet for so long . . . . so why not take the responsibility onto ourselves, and be the drop today that might be the ocean of a future.
And please, since it is the season of disclaimers, I de like to say, not all NEWS news is opinionated, nor all Internet reasonably responsible communication.
And, just to highlight the irony inherent there - and this maybe digressing too during my recent trip to US I was listening to these two gentlemen debate the democrat and republican scenario of the presidential election at diner table and then one of them at some point said:
"I choose what news I read, and that's why I got to the Internet. What you heard is wrong, and maybe you should check the source of your news."
And then in a later conversation with me, where I like a typical hospitable Indian invited him over, he said :
"Oh but I read there are monkeys out there on the streets everywhere and I wouldn't risk coming to India."
To which, I had the perfect opportunity to quote him onto himself -
"What you heard is wrong, and maybe you should check the source of your news."
So its not a perfect world, so what, don't we learn enough about that every day. We blog, with pride and passion, and with imperfections. Yet we love it.
As a footnote :
I ve been blogging - reading and writing - for six(ish) years now, and I am proud of it. I just think this is a great place to be. And not every one can handle it, so the faint hearted needn't stress themselves out.
Monday, October 22, 2007
It’s Raining Men
Indeed the weeding season is catching up . . . . people are getting married, people are attending marriages, people are contemplating marriages and people are planning their own, friends', relatives' weddings and everybody is talking about it.
(including abhi and eM, and I haven't yet read through my entire feed list)
This weekend I too flew to Delhi, for a quick catch up on all the hungama, as my best friend got engaged to the love of her life, and is all set to tie the knot soon, and settle down in happy matrimony!
Sounds quite rosy, but when I went around checking her to-do and shopping lists I wasn't thinking like this at all. In fact all the first two days I wondering why the hell is she investing so much of time and effort on planning and coordinating and detailing an engagement ceremony, why is she running behind the event managers, the florists, the caterers, and just about anybody she could find and give instructions and more instructions.
(Btw, this bride in question, is super creative and has done so many of her friends' and cousins' weddings before that she is an expected at planning and organizing and was expectedly overflowing with ideas for her own).
I, meanwhile, was wondering all the while - is one person really worth all that much anxiety and chaos, care and affection. Is marriage ever "happily ever after", will they not fight or disappoint each other any more, wil these little devils suddenly transform into angels of love and peace?
All these question were swirling in my head when she was yelling for a driver, fussing for the dress, waiting for the makeup, fidgeting in the traffic, lost at the venue, smiling at the guests . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . till her fiancé walked in and took her hand, walked her up the stage – in the sparkling aqua theme of the day - and they smiled, at each other and the cameras hereafter . . . .
And then time stopped . . . . or mayb didn't matter any longer. Nothing mattered, and I realized why all this is so worth the while.
I ve known Shikha long enough and well enough to know that it was a very happy and very special moment in her life. And it was very special for me too . . . .
And the wedding's soon too, so there is a lot more to do, lot more to see and hear and shut out . . . but I know I ll be more involved, more helpful (hopefully) and completely sold onto the idea, that with the right person and at the right time, a walk down the aisle or around the fire is just the thing for everybody, including me.
-------------------------
And there's more, the flights and the rides have been nerve-wracking. Started with a reschedule, to I almost missing it, for nothing as interesting as a lover, nor anything as boring as traffic jam, but that's again a little personal detail, but whatever the cause, the 45 mins to airport were super-edgy, and the ride back to office after I landed in Bangalore was equally adventurous and irritating.
Critical questions - flights full of chatty ppl and noisy kids - is there a way to know that before hand and find a way out? Or can Bangalore find a way sustain little rain showers?
And how do you keep your eyes open at work on a monday after such an exciting weekend, when all I want to do is dream my dream-theme.
Alas, life is not always a joy ride, not till u r up at the alter - its only those few flickering moments. Not much before (and I had a peep into that), nor is there a promise of much after.
Yet, a few powerful moments that change the course of life, forever . . . .
(including abhi and eM, and I haven't yet read through my entire feed list)
This weekend I too flew to Delhi, for a quick catch up on all the hungama, as my best friend got engaged to the love of her life, and is all set to tie the knot soon, and settle down in happy matrimony!
Sounds quite rosy, but when I went around checking her to-do and shopping lists I wasn't thinking like this at all. In fact all the first two days I wondering why the hell is she investing so much of time and effort on planning and coordinating and detailing an engagement ceremony, why is she running behind the event managers, the florists, the caterers, and just about anybody she could find and give instructions and more instructions.
(Btw, this bride in question, is super creative and has done so many of her friends' and cousins' weddings before that she is an expected at planning and organizing and was expectedly overflowing with ideas for her own).
I, meanwhile, was wondering all the while - is one person really worth all that much anxiety and chaos, care and affection. Is marriage ever "happily ever after", will they not fight or disappoint each other any more, wil these little devils suddenly transform into angels of love and peace?
All these question were swirling in my head when she was yelling for a driver, fussing for the dress, waiting for the makeup, fidgeting in the traffic, lost at the venue, smiling at the guests . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . till her fiancé walked in and took her hand, walked her up the stage – in the sparkling aqua theme of the day - and they smiled, at each other and the cameras hereafter . . . .
And then time stopped . . . . or mayb didn't matter any longer. Nothing mattered, and I realized why all this is so worth the while.
I ve known Shikha long enough and well enough to know that it was a very happy and very special moment in her life. And it was very special for me too . . . .
And the wedding's soon too, so there is a lot more to do, lot more to see and hear and shut out . . . but I know I ll be more involved, more helpful (hopefully) and completely sold onto the idea, that with the right person and at the right time, a walk down the aisle or around the fire is just the thing for everybody, including me.
-------------------------
And there's more, the flights and the rides have been nerve-wracking. Started with a reschedule, to I almost missing it, for nothing as interesting as a lover, nor anything as boring as traffic jam, but that's again a little personal detail, but whatever the cause, the 45 mins to airport were super-edgy, and the ride back to office after I landed in Bangalore was equally adventurous and irritating.
Critical questions - flights full of chatty ppl and noisy kids - is there a way to know that before hand and find a way out? Or can Bangalore find a way sustain little rain showers?
And how do you keep your eyes open at work on a monday after such an exciting weekend, when all I want to do is dream my dream-theme.
Alas, life is not always a joy ride, not till u r up at the alter - its only those few flickering moments. Not much before (and I had a peep into that), nor is there a promise of much after.
Yet, a few powerful moments that change the course of life, forever . . . .
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Inspired by real life ;)
Ceremonies, functions, people, food, arrangements and all the noise and operational malfunctions that are an inseparable part of any Indian celebration of ceremonies . . .
Now, it's not like we Indians are bad mangers (actually we are just great, as proof take a count of all those thriving mgmt. grads and alumni), but we just like things to be on a scale grand and spread out, and with a lot of scalability is inherent a bit of manageability challenge . . . .
At some point of time in my life I wanted to run away from it all, thinking why in the hell do we need all this chaos ! But, I ve been surprising myself more than I de like, coz now I really have to enjoy and look fwd to all such things.
This realization just reminds me that I cannot run away from my mooring how so ever I may want, I cannot deny in name of modernity or change, those very things that define and decide my identity.
A lot of Indians crib about a lot of Indian traditions and the price they demand in terms of time and involvement, out of individuals and families and communities and society, but the reason why we still keep doing it , is coz we just LOVE it !!
Oh, come on, who wld give up on all that yummy food and those festivities, a chance to meet and greet, smile and cry at the same time?
Life wld be so boring and monotonous without them . . .
Now, it's not like we Indians are bad mangers (actually we are just great, as proof take a count of all those thriving mgmt. grads and alumni), but we just like things to be on a scale grand and spread out, and with a lot of scalability is inherent a bit of manageability challenge . . . .
At some point of time in my life I wanted to run away from it all, thinking why in the hell do we need all this chaos ! But, I ve been surprising myself more than I de like, coz now I really have to enjoy and look fwd to all such things.
This realization just reminds me that I cannot run away from my mooring how so ever I may want, I cannot deny in name of modernity or change, those very things that define and decide my identity.
A lot of Indians crib about a lot of Indian traditions and the price they demand in terms of time and involvement, out of individuals and families and communities and society, but the reason why we still keep doing it , is coz we just LOVE it !!
Oh, come on, who wld give up on all that yummy food and those festivities, a chance to meet and greet, smile and cry at the same time?
Life wld be so boring and monotonous without them . . .
Thursday, September 28, 2006
Leap of Faith
I ve tried, over and over again to plan, to program and chart out clearly where this flow is gonna go...always.
But sometimes, actually all the time, events and people will just have a mind of their own, and they propel me into territories I had never imagined I would set foot into.
Once again, I had tried to plan, be guarded, be smart and be a complete bitch. I like to believe, like most - that my head knows it all, and come what may - I will handle it with a grace so fluid that gods will eventually have to take a notice.
When Cinderella entered the great ballroom, it was just a leap of faith for her. The grand dress, and precious jewels, and glass slippers - which to a layman's eye would seem munitions enough to win the dance with Prince Charming, were in reality, and this she knew, nothing but pieces of coals around her cinders.
What brought that glow to her face was the courage in her heart to make the day happen, and belief that this was her destiny.
Most of us, often, chicken out, even when fairy godmother is ready to help. Coz we don't think we can really pull a fairy tail off. And I like to believe that even Cinderella had her moments of soul searching.
Alas, when the clock struck midnight, Cinderella couldn't keep the princely demeanor too long.....coz for all the glitter outside, she had a heart of flesh and blood, still warm and beating and love for her fairly godmother, she couldn't let down.
We all falter, we all trip, and she too missed her slipper behind.....but just because she had dared to believe and take the plunge, love came calling after.
If I had to re-write the closing conversation of the book between Cinderella Aunty and Prince Uncle Charming, it would go something like this...
"So you thought u could trick me?"
"Well I tried, but my plans weren't all that perfect."
"And now you are doomed into my love."
"I guess, you are my nemesis."
But sometimes, actually all the time, events and people will just have a mind of their own, and they propel me into territories I had never imagined I would set foot into.
Once again, I had tried to plan, be guarded, be smart and be a complete bitch. I like to believe, like most - that my head knows it all, and come what may - I will handle it with a grace so fluid that gods will eventually have to take a notice.
When Cinderella entered the great ballroom, it was just a leap of faith for her. The grand dress, and precious jewels, and glass slippers - which to a layman's eye would seem munitions enough to win the dance with Prince Charming, were in reality, and this she knew, nothing but pieces of coals around her cinders.
What brought that glow to her face was the courage in her heart to make the day happen, and belief that this was her destiny.
Most of us, often, chicken out, even when fairy godmother is ready to help. Coz we don't think we can really pull a fairy tail off. And I like to believe that even Cinderella had her moments of soul searching.
Alas, when the clock struck midnight, Cinderella couldn't keep the princely demeanor too long.....coz for all the glitter outside, she had a heart of flesh and blood, still warm and beating and love for her fairly godmother, she couldn't let down.
We all falter, we all trip, and she too missed her slipper behind.....but just because she had dared to believe and take the plunge, love came calling after.
If I had to re-write the closing conversation of the book between Cinderella Aunty and Prince Uncle Charming, it would go something like this...
"So you thought u could trick me?"
"Well I tried, but my plans weren't all that perfect."
"And now you are doomed into my love."
"I guess, you are my nemesis."
Saturday, July 29, 2006
Perception is Reality
Sensibilities are circumstantial, just like the perspectives......
and they drive each other.
I find it easier to blabber out - just say a whole lot of jumble of words, and throw in those few sentences which I really wanted to convey and leave it there.
It is easier coz it allows us all to save face.
I might find it so much tougher to sit down and say exactly what I wanted to say. You may not be willing to hear it, answer it, or even confront it. I wouldn't want to sound sad, nagging, or compulsive complainer. I would not want to confess, or run the risk of hearing a reply I don't want to hear.
So that is how I talk, you talk, we all do.
And because we are all so deft at the game, we all follow each other very well and play along. It is the path of least resistance, path of least hurt, and in the practical world it works very well.
Then again, since we don't make statements, we cannot be held to record, or accountable, even for what we say.
"Oh, but I was just blabbering some gibberish" ; or
"Don't take it too seriously."........and so on.
We are scared or our own selves, so before we show our good sides to others we show the bad ones.
"See this is the worst of me, so don't be mislead by any good I do, coz I don't trust myself enough not to hurt you even when I love you."
Or maybe it the dying need for acceptance, and the fear of rejection.
"These are the reasons they hate me, can u stand them?"
"I am a difficult person; don't tell me I didn't warn you."
We do it all the time.........friends, colleagues, lovers, acquaintances, family too sometimes.
And we throw in a lot of non relevant information with all these relevant pieces, and let you chose - take your pick.
If you could see the right ones (and you mostly do), maybe you ll make an informed decision.
But if you miss the key points, well, I can always accuse you of assumption and having the wrong perception.
Coz you are, and I am, what we believe, what we want to believe, what we perceive and what we want to perceive.
In the same space, in the same time, we happily coexist carrying our shared our separate perceptions.........living our shared or separate realities.
and they drive each other.
I find it easier to blabber out - just say a whole lot of jumble of words, and throw in those few sentences which I really wanted to convey and leave it there.
It is easier coz it allows us all to save face.
I might find it so much tougher to sit down and say exactly what I wanted to say. You may not be willing to hear it, answer it, or even confront it. I wouldn't want to sound sad, nagging, or compulsive complainer. I would not want to confess, or run the risk of hearing a reply I don't want to hear.
So that is how I talk, you talk, we all do.
And because we are all so deft at the game, we all follow each other very well and play along. It is the path of least resistance, path of least hurt, and in the practical world it works very well.
Then again, since we don't make statements, we cannot be held to record, or accountable, even for what we say.
"Oh, but I was just blabbering some gibberish" ; or
"Don't take it too seriously."........and so on.
We are scared or our own selves, so before we show our good sides to others we show the bad ones.
"See this is the worst of me, so don't be mislead by any good I do, coz I don't trust myself enough not to hurt you even when I love you."
Or maybe it the dying need for acceptance, and the fear of rejection.
"These are the reasons they hate me, can u stand them?"
"I am a difficult person; don't tell me I didn't warn you."
We do it all the time.........friends, colleagues, lovers, acquaintances, family too sometimes.
And we throw in a lot of non relevant information with all these relevant pieces, and let you chose - take your pick.
If you could see the right ones (and you mostly do), maybe you ll make an informed decision.
But if you miss the key points, well, I can always accuse you of assumption and having the wrong perception.
Coz you are, and I am, what we believe, what we want to believe, what we perceive and what we want to perceive.
In the same space, in the same time, we happily coexist carrying our shared our separate perceptions.........living our shared or separate realities.
Monday, June 19, 2006
The nastier side of Beckham...or is it really?
FiFa is here....and am sure there are a lot of women like me who were left wondering -'FIFA what???'........ till it came calling!
And then, suddenly it is all everyone is talking about, and the reason no one is talking anymore. Fans - majorly the guy folks - are just too engrossed to take note of anything!
So I though I ll pull up my act a bit and see what all the hullabaloo is about.
I ve watched a few matches - mostly forced to begin with, and even though I don't claim to understand all the nitty gritties to the finest level yets its understandably fine. At least it moving game, and not a tough one to grasp for that matter.
Well, but not everybody is as accomodating as I am, nor as understanding!
Just the other day I saw a group of guys and gals making their way to this latenight coffee shop...when I was just comign out. And as fate would have it the first thing they see when they enter the hotel lobbey is the TV screen with another of those matches on (wasn't it the italy-usa match on saturday night) and the guys, as u might have guessed by now stood glued to the screen!
The gals in the group coaxed and cursed and somehow managed to pull them to towards the coffee shop, hoping to have had enuff football for the day!
But as fate would have it - (and I could smile, coz for once I had the insight into future) - their miseries had just begun.
Poor things, if only they had know that in there was a bigger and better screen and a whole bunch of fans relishing exactly what they were praying to escape!
I do accept - with a heavy heart - that womenfolk do tend to be a little short on patience sometimes. My two bits of advise for those football-hagged ones is -
Don't take it personally, its just a game, and lasts only a hour and half, and even the world cup wont last ur lifetime!
Goal it if u wish, else just let it pass.
And as one of my friend loves to put it - at least u get to see Beckham in action!!!
And then, suddenly it is all everyone is talking about, and the reason no one is talking anymore. Fans - majorly the guy folks - are just too engrossed to take note of anything!
So I though I ll pull up my act a bit and see what all the hullabaloo is about.
I ve watched a few matches - mostly forced to begin with, and even though I don't claim to understand all the nitty gritties to the finest level yets its understandably fine. At least it moving game, and not a tough one to grasp for that matter.
Well, but not everybody is as accomodating as I am, nor as understanding!
Just the other day I saw a group of guys and gals making their way to this latenight coffee shop...when I was just comign out. And as fate would have it the first thing they see when they enter the hotel lobbey is the TV screen with another of those matches on (wasn't it the italy-usa match on saturday night) and the guys, as u might have guessed by now stood glued to the screen!
The gals in the group coaxed and cursed and somehow managed to pull them to towards the coffee shop, hoping to have had enuff football for the day!
But as fate would have it - (and I could smile, coz for once I had the insight into future) - their miseries had just begun.
Poor things, if only they had know that in there was a bigger and better screen and a whole bunch of fans relishing exactly what they were praying to escape!
I do accept - with a heavy heart - that womenfolk do tend to be a little short on patience sometimes. My two bits of advise for those football-hagged ones is -
Don't take it personally, its just a game, and lasts only a hour and half, and even the world cup wont last ur lifetime!
Goal it if u wish, else just let it pass.
And as one of my friend loves to put it - at least u get to see Beckham in action!!!
Saturday, May 06, 2006
Surviving Changes
I wrote this post some time ago - with pen and paper, which has become kinda luxury these days. I must admit, my head was not quite at peace at the moment, and now I wonder if it is alright going through all the trouble of typing this whole thing. But this blog hasn't had a post in along time, and though I now disagree with some of the things I wrote two days ago, there r still a few I agree with. So I guess, I ll just go ahead and type it - without any editing, coz that ll be another soul searching exercise, something am not quite feeling like just now. So keep reading....
A positive anything is better than a negative nothing. (from J.M.)
Relationships do not survive changes - change of place, change of job, change of plans.......well just about any kind of change.
Coz changing times are replete with a lot of pressure, crisis and truths untold or hitherto unknown.
It is the churning that gets the cream to the top - and in the grind of life we have to keep churning and re-churning ourselves the find out the truth about us and those around us.
In a comfortable day-to-day living, there are a lot of lies (it's the lying that makes life comfortable there) ; relationships also are a lot of lie ; but then the top layer is the first to be blown with the coming of a storm.
Lol!! I am loving Charles Darwin right now, coz he said long ago said only the fittest shall survive.
Another thing about changes is that they are propagatory in nature. One leads to another almost inevitable, and overall it is like a big cascade effect. Also even when it does not - people sort of assume that it should or it would.
I am trying to figure out some changes in my own life. Why, how, what, where - they are big enough questions at the moment. And to top it all, I know the world around wouldn't remain the same.
Relations, emotions, associations all will need a re-looking at. And I might not always like what I find.
Yes, it does look scary and unsettling, but then cleaning up is a dirty process in itself.
So , if I have let a lot of dust accumulate over the time, just to keep myself - or rather the appearance of me - clean, it is high time that some of it comes flying at my face.
I will be prepared then.
A positive anything is better than a negative nothing. (from J.M.)
Relationships do not survive changes - change of place, change of job, change of plans.......well just about any kind of change.
Coz changing times are replete with a lot of pressure, crisis and truths untold or hitherto unknown.
It is the churning that gets the cream to the top - and in the grind of life we have to keep churning and re-churning ourselves the find out the truth about us and those around us.
In a comfortable day-to-day living, there are a lot of lies (it's the lying that makes life comfortable there) ; relationships also are a lot of lie ; but then the top layer is the first to be blown with the coming of a storm.
Lol!! I am loving Charles Darwin right now, coz he said long ago said only the fittest shall survive.
Another thing about changes is that they are propagatory in nature. One leads to another almost inevitable, and overall it is like a big cascade effect. Also even when it does not - people sort of assume that it should or it would.
I am trying to figure out some changes in my own life. Why, how, what, where - they are big enough questions at the moment. And to top it all, I know the world around wouldn't remain the same.
Relations, emotions, associations all will need a re-looking at. And I might not always like what I find.
Yes, it does look scary and unsettling, but then cleaning up is a dirty process in itself.
So , if I have let a lot of dust accumulate over the time, just to keep myself - or rather the appearance of me - clean, it is high time that some of it comes flying at my face.
I will be prepared then.
Friday, February 03, 2006
Roommate Wanted
No matter how much that title excites all you GUYS, I am really sorry to inform you that, only GIRLS shall be considered for this vacancy. You can sure fwd this to your girlfriends though; it might earn you an entry, at least into our drawing rooms. And you don't have to stick around that girlfriend, if you are good looking, and have interesting friends, we ll keep up the acquaintance.
Okay, now let me put up the specification. Well, we are a bunch of pretty (and) chilled out people, so a nerd or an early-to-bed-early-to rise is a strict no no. Not that we de mind, but we wont want to put her through a living hell.
Let me make it clear that there will be a proper technical and HR round of interview, with three or more, same or different panelists, before the final selection is made. The candidate should also be prepared for telephonic interviews. Again, if she comes along with good-looking male friends, we ll surely give a preference.
She should have in her possession good quality electronic equipments - a microwave, hi-fi music system, or flat screen television, DVD players etc can prove to be feathers in the cap. And should be ready to share them will all flat mates.
A luxury car can cut out above all.
Besides that, special talents like cooking, bartending or DJing would be highly suitable for the vacancy.
Another category we r ready to consider are those who have their boyfriends in town and live with them most of the month, yet pay a rent in an all girls place, as they don't want to be caught in a soup just in case their parents decide to visit town. For this category too the electronic equipments in possession and the quality shall earn brownie points. (Oh yes all that has to be kept at our place.)
And above all if you have interesting male friends, we willl relax all rules.
Let me mention the selection procedure is highly scientific and time tested. All legal matters shall be subjected to jurisdiction of the house inmates only.***
So, do you have it in you?
Okay, now let me put up the specification. Well, we are a bunch of pretty (and) chilled out people, so a nerd or an early-to-bed-early-to rise is a strict no no. Not that we de mind, but we wont want to put her through a living hell.
Let me make it clear that there will be a proper technical and HR round of interview, with three or more, same or different panelists, before the final selection is made. The candidate should also be prepared for telephonic interviews. Again, if she comes along with good-looking male friends, we ll surely give a preference.
She should have in her possession good quality electronic equipments - a microwave, hi-fi music system, or flat screen television, DVD players etc can prove to be feathers in the cap. And should be ready to share them will all flat mates.
A luxury car can cut out above all.
Besides that, special talents like cooking, bartending or DJing would be highly suitable for the vacancy.
Another category we r ready to consider are those who have their boyfriends in town and live with them most of the month, yet pay a rent in an all girls place, as they don't want to be caught in a soup just in case their parents decide to visit town. For this category too the electronic equipments in possession and the quality shall earn brownie points. (Oh yes all that has to be kept at our place.)
And above all if you have interesting male friends, we willl relax all rules.
Let me mention the selection procedure is highly scientific and time tested. All legal matters shall be subjected to jurisdiction of the house inmates only.***
So, do you have it in you?
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
We, The People
Early in the morning, people are usually best at thought. Haven't you heard of all those afterthoughts and reflections and realizations and non-realizations and doubts and second thoughts that pop up in the early hours of morning? Maybe there is something in the air; or that which we cloak off in the dark of the night, reveals itself stark naked in the morning light.Whatever, the thing is, a thought that gets grip of me in those hours, stays; and demands an action. It cld be a piece of writing, a job to be done, or just a call to be made. It feels like a call from the subconscious, and it cannot be ignored.
.
.
.
Today I was thinking of Seema (name changed to protect privacy). She is happy, a bit too happy, coz she is getting married to her dream man. Really? I wonder, coz that dream has a lot of arrangements that I personally would not agree to her doing.
But at this moment, or for that matter ever, I have to let her live, the way she chooses to, or is chosen for her.
I ve always known her as someone with talent and potential unharnessed. After her masters she had to sit at home and was not allowed to work! Educated parents, educated relatives - though I wonder if education is being wrongly used as a synonym for literacy - but the gal cant work coz;
"Log kya kahenge?"
At such moments I needed to shake myself up and question - which age and generation we are living in?
"You have no idea, the kind of comments our community will make.
They ll probably presume that the family is not doing well financially, that is why the girl has to work." Seema would often tell me.
Now can you believe that - I could not!
"But you have so much of education and all that degrees, will you just let it go waste?"
"Dunno, maybe if my future husband is open to the idea, I might work."
Dunno? Maybe? I found those words offendingly not acceptable.
When her marriage was fixed, this was the first question I was dying to ask her. So after all the mandatory questioning and teasing which only close friends have the liberty and comfort of, I finally popped the question a little cautiously.
"I haven't talked to him about it, but I don't think he would like it much."
My jaw dropped.
"But what are you gonna do after marriage? You don't even have household work to keep you busy? At least you could give him a hand in business". I confess, I shamelessly tried putting that thought in her head.
"But they (father and son) are already working, and I don't know if they would want or need one more person to join in", and she was pretty cool about it, where I was getting anxious.
I wanted to say ?
"Babe, u are too much in the euphoria of love right now, but what when this tide recedes?"
The conversation progressed some more, and I was almost sleepy till she said something like
"I ve cut myself off from all my male friend. I know he won't like it."
"What? Why? But they are your friends too just like your gal pals?"
Now her future husband is presumably a well educated, well groomed urban Indian male. And he wouldn't like to know that his wife has a healthy friendship with guys in her school or college nor would like it if she keeps in touch with them post her wedding.
Again, which century are we living in?
The same, comes the answer from somewhere in my mind. It is just the uglier face of it, which I hadn't seen so close before.
We have all the hypocrisy, all the double standards thriving and flourishing. What did you think; a college degree can make a huge difference to the life of an Indian female? Btw, Seema is not a middle class small a town girl.
She commands all modern luxuries sans the right to a viewpoint.
She, and her likes, still operate from ideas prehistoric (yeah, I get dramatic at times), and most often it is not really their fault. They are made to confirm to norms laid down by parents, community, society, future and then present husbands. Or be called a rebel if they ever think of questioning it.
They are taught to think, and then told to shut up.
Educating a girl child is not enough, empowering her is. I know of ladies, who - because they had had the empowerment from their father's or husband's families - made exemplary lives even in pre-independence India.
Then, why is not Seema entitled to her bit of fresh air?
Something's gotta give.....that bird deserves to fly,
A cage of gold.... will not make a worthy life.
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
A drop of elixir
Things in life have a reason and a purpose. When made to serve the reason and fulfill the purpose - things, events, people - act like oil between the bearings of life, making every breath come easier and filling a life with life. But when they are made to be an end in its own, they fail their purpose and choke that very life to death.
Existence doesn't cease, but life does. Breakdowns happen, and we go around looking for the causes of failures.
And it is surprising how many a times our own identity stabs us in the back.
Identity is to define an entity, here an individual human being. Its purpose is to outline a broad collection of thoughts, ideas, dreams, traits, absolutely anything at all. It is not rigid, except for in our perceptions. It has its moments of exceptions and aberrations. And they are not wrong - till we make it so. Human nature is not to resist, but to accept. Without that we couldn't have come so far into civilization.
Identity plays a part in all human relationships - a positive part. But it becomes a bone of contention, when identity becomes bigger than the relationship itself.
It has a purpose, it is not the purpose.
Not many agree. And that is a distorted view. Don't come fighting, if I call it "distorted", coz to me that view is distorted.
Very early in like - I even remember the exact moment in time, the setting and the people - when talking in context of love relationships a friend pointed out that ego is the spoiler in any game of love. Honestly, I didn't really grasp it fully then, maybe coz I didn't have much to associate it with in real view of life. But even to that young a mind (just to give u an idea, it was some seven yrs ago) the weight of the statement was not lost, and I held onto it dear as a drop of elixir.
And a drop of elixir it is.
I ve not remembered to use it every time myself, nor been always able to share it with people, but the more I see, the more I learn, the more my belief in it strengthens.
I ve had quite some debates with more than one people, about how you have to loosen the grip on your identity as "I" when you are forging a relationship and learning to be a part of something bigger - an "US".
And it has always been a losing battle.
Like they always say, nobody wants unsolicited advice. If you are like me, who learns only in retrospect and I tell you that let your love be bigger than your ego (read that somewhere), you will defiantly not listen. But if you are like me, you ll need to hear this all the more.
Coz, some things in life are worth everything.
Existence doesn't cease, but life does. Breakdowns happen, and we go around looking for the causes of failures.
And it is surprising how many a times our own identity stabs us in the back.
Identity is to define an entity, here an individual human being. Its purpose is to outline a broad collection of thoughts, ideas, dreams, traits, absolutely anything at all. It is not rigid, except for in our perceptions. It has its moments of exceptions and aberrations. And they are not wrong - till we make it so. Human nature is not to resist, but to accept. Without that we couldn't have come so far into civilization.
Identity plays a part in all human relationships - a positive part. But it becomes a bone of contention, when identity becomes bigger than the relationship itself.
It has a purpose, it is not the purpose.
Not many agree. And that is a distorted view. Don't come fighting, if I call it "distorted", coz to me that view is distorted.
Very early in like - I even remember the exact moment in time, the setting and the people - when talking in context of love relationships a friend pointed out that ego is the spoiler in any game of love. Honestly, I didn't really grasp it fully then, maybe coz I didn't have much to associate it with in real view of life. But even to that young a mind (just to give u an idea, it was some seven yrs ago) the weight of the statement was not lost, and I held onto it dear as a drop of elixir.
And a drop of elixir it is.
I ve not remembered to use it every time myself, nor been always able to share it with people, but the more I see, the more I learn, the more my belief in it strengthens.
I ve had quite some debates with more than one people, about how you have to loosen the grip on your identity as "I" when you are forging a relationship and learning to be a part of something bigger - an "US".
And it has always been a losing battle.
Like they always say, nobody wants unsolicited advice. If you are like me, who learns only in retrospect and I tell you that let your love be bigger than your ego (read that somewhere), you will defiantly not listen. But if you are like me, you ll need to hear this all the more.
Coz, some things in life are worth everything.
Monday, September 12, 2005
Ree(a)l life
When projected on the big screen a lot (??) of our bollywood seems so over dramatic and unreal.
But....sometimes...they come to life.
Okay, am not talking about running around the trees, though I am afraid to say I ve seen that happen too. I was in this park (no, not any boring park) and there was this mushy couple who were actually running around the bushes!!!! I had a terrible time holding onto my laughter.
Do you remember the movie Chalte Chalte, with Rani and SRK playing leads (I personally hated the movie though) had this scene when she is screaming on her husband (SRK of course!!, who else did u think. Don't u know how hindi movies go?) to keep his shoes in place, lest someone trips and falls over them. Ouch, I heard the same scene replaying in real life, only this time the wife herself almost tripped.
Talk of romanticism.......!!! And I don't even want to recount how many filmi dialogs I hear in a day. How many people swear by a movie or a character in the movie. Try telling them "Get real" and you ll hear, "Oh! but that is for real".
And one would better double check before argue.
So much for the first half of the reel...ah ha, real life....
Intermission.
And am in no mood to maneuver over the other half today....
The End.
But....sometimes...they come to life.
Okay, am not talking about running around the trees, though I am afraid to say I ve seen that happen too. I was in this park (no, not any boring park) and there was this mushy couple who were actually running around the bushes!!!! I had a terrible time holding onto my laughter.
Do you remember the movie Chalte Chalte, with Rani and SRK playing leads (I personally hated the movie though) had this scene when she is screaming on her husband (SRK of course!!, who else did u think. Don't u know how hindi movies go?) to keep his shoes in place, lest someone trips and falls over them. Ouch, I heard the same scene replaying in real life, only this time the wife herself almost tripped.
Talk of romanticism.......!!! And I don't even want to recount how many filmi dialogs I hear in a day. How many people swear by a movie or a character in the movie. Try telling them "Get real" and you ll hear, "Oh! but that is for real".
And one would better double check before argue.
So much for the first half of the reel...ah ha, real life....
Intermission.
And am in no mood to maneuver over the other half today....
The End.
Sunday, August 21, 2005
Love's Labor Earned
Don't you love me?
Don't you trust me?
Don't you respect me?
Don't you appreciate me?
The moment those words are uttered, whatever love, trust, respect or appreciation was there - or had a possibility of being - all goes out of the window.
Coz love, trust, respect, appreciation, friendship, faith, adoration.... or for that matter any honest human emotion cannot be demanded or asked for.
It can only be EARNED.
And when the effort is just and intentions fair (without any hidden agendas) it will make the soil fertile enough to grow.
"Tell me that you love me" never works, never will. A true expression of love comes by itself; it has to. Coz that's when it has been earned.
Am reminded of a small incident (with a big lesson) from my childhood. I was sevenish and was having quite a fight with my baby sister (she ll be forever be my baby sis).
And I went complaining to Mommy dear......
"Mommy she doesn't respect me. You tell her to better respect me."
And Maa said, "Sweetheart respect cannot be demanded, it has to be earned."
And it stayed with me. And also the message that the best gifts in life cannot be demanded, they can only be given on a sweet free will.
Don't you trust me?
Don't you respect me?
Don't you appreciate me?
The moment those words are uttered, whatever love, trust, respect or appreciation was there - or had a possibility of being - all goes out of the window.
Coz love, trust, respect, appreciation, friendship, faith, adoration.... or for that matter any honest human emotion cannot be demanded or asked for.
It can only be EARNED.
And when the effort is just and intentions fair (without any hidden agendas) it will make the soil fertile enough to grow.
"Tell me that you love me" never works, never will. A true expression of love comes by itself; it has to. Coz that's when it has been earned.
Am reminded of a small incident (with a big lesson) from my childhood. I was sevenish and was having quite a fight with my baby sister (she ll be forever be my baby sis).
And I went complaining to Mommy dear......
"Mommy she doesn't respect me. You tell her to better respect me."
And Maa said, "Sweetheart respect cannot be demanded, it has to be earned."
And it stayed with me. And also the message that the best gifts in life cannot be demanded, they can only be given on a sweet free will.
Thursday, June 09, 2005
Nach Baliye...
I have believed, and believed for a long time now, that laws of nature and life are like a common book of rules.
They are the same, and apply the same to all aspects of life and living. It's just our different perceptions of them, that creates our different perspectives. With that background, I 'll proceed with the day's post.
I 'll say something outrageous today -
Finding a life-partner is just like finding a dance-partner.
You need to look for the same things in both.
Now let me explain....
The first and the foremost thing is to be in synch. Getting two human beings in synch with each other is probably the most testing of tasks. They have to move together, not necessarily in the same direction, yet always in a rhythm. They may be swinging to their own beats, yet they have to come across as a couple that understands each other's rhythm and keeps together.
You have to be close together, yet keep up your space, and respect that of the other. No stepping onto each other's toes!! It's not really welcome.
And if you - by chance - happen to make that mistake, say sorry immediately, and you 'll be forgiven. The dance continues. But if you don't; well next dance will go to - obviously not you!
Now this one's not that important, yet if you both like the same kind of music - soft and light, or foot stamping and loud, or head banging rock - it will definitely give you a better understanding of each other's rhythm.
Even if your tastes don't really match, at least an effort to know the other's likes or dislikes will be highly appreciated. And you will receive the gift of the same in return.
Then, you need to respect each other's need to take a break, or to keep going on. Once in a while you need to do a little bit extra , coz your partner is so keen to jive-on, on this particular number, or adjust a little and take a break with him/her when they are too tired to go on any more.
You need not be a great dancer to rock the floor, just need to get along well with your one partner . . . and that will be magic enough.
They are the same, and apply the same to all aspects of life and living. It's just our different perceptions of them, that creates our different perspectives. With that background, I 'll proceed with the day's post.
I 'll say something outrageous today -
Finding a life-partner is just like finding a dance-partner.
You need to look for the same things in both.
Now let me explain....
The first and the foremost thing is to be in synch. Getting two human beings in synch with each other is probably the most testing of tasks. They have to move together, not necessarily in the same direction, yet always in a rhythm. They may be swinging to their own beats, yet they have to come across as a couple that understands each other's rhythm and keeps together.
You have to be close together, yet keep up your space, and respect that of the other. No stepping onto each other's toes!! It's not really welcome.
And if you - by chance - happen to make that mistake, say sorry immediately, and you 'll be forgiven. The dance continues. But if you don't; well next dance will go to - obviously not you!
Now this one's not that important, yet if you both like the same kind of music - soft and light, or foot stamping and loud, or head banging rock - it will definitely give you a better understanding of each other's rhythm.
Even if your tastes don't really match, at least an effort to know the other's likes or dislikes will be highly appreciated. And you will receive the gift of the same in return.
Then, you need to respect each other's need to take a break, or to keep going on. Once in a while you need to do a little bit extra , coz your partner is so keen to jive-on, on this particular number, or adjust a little and take a break with him/her when they are too tired to go on any more.
You need not be a great dancer to rock the floor, just need to get along well with your one partner . . . and that will be magic enough.
Friday, January 07, 2005
When the tsunami hit me...
Characters (in the seqence of their appearence)
Ash, Bhavs, Shiz------Roomies
Arv, Ups ---------------Friends
Moi---------------------Yours truly
Scene I
Ash: Get home fast, there's some trouble.
Bhavs: We need to pack and leave. Get home fast.
Shiz: Get home, damn your job!
Moi: I wont make it before two hours, unless I get to fly.
So by the time I reached home, one has left, two had packed, and I was left feeling all lost and foolish. Damn the traffic in Blore.
Now that was few weeks ago. And I am still recovering. Let me not divulge the gruesome details here, it was sad, and I ve put it behind me.
And I am not god, or even close, so I curse the tsunami that hit me, with all my heart.
It was as bad I tell you.
I lost my home, (thankfully lot less) belongings, proximity with some loved ones, and got a very rude shock of my life.
Even since, I 've talked to many of my friends here, and strangely, almost everyone of them, have at some time or the other, faced a similar situation. We have all been stranded on the road at least once. Is there something so enigmatic about Blore roads? I didnt find any in my last close encounter with it. Maybe such a (un)natural calamity is pretty common here.
Scene II
Arv: What are you contributing for the homeless ppl hit by tsunami?
[Now let me indicate that correctly at this time....even I was homeless].
Moi : I am homeless too, if u remember!!
Arv : Oh ya! Poor you what can u contribute.
Moi: Shdn't you undertake some relief work for me also! [loud laughs from all].
Scene III
Shiz: I was just wondering if we could donate our kitchen stuff to tsunami victims?
Moi: Why? [shocked].
Shiz: We arent using it.
Moi: Are you planning to live on air and water forever? What ll we put in our new kitchen?
Shiz: Oh I forgot, we ll be hopefully having a house soon.
Moi: Yeah [loud sigh].
Scene IV
Ups: Hi! Am in Blore.
Moi: Grt news. Meet up.
Ups: Sure. Am coming over to ur place, for a lovely dinner.
Moi: U r a week too late [and then begins the sad narration].
A word of appreciation...
Btw Arv donated a day's salary, so did Rohit. Good work guys. U r appreciated.
And a piece of advise...
Finding a DECENT house in Blore is not as easy as it sounds. Or u shd be a heir/heiress.
Acknowledgement.
A word of gratitute for Heretic and Varun who were very supportive despite geography. Thanks to Amit and Roy for helping the needy. And a BIG thanks to Shiz who managed to keep my interest in life alive, with all her antics and words of wisdom, even in the worst of times. A lot more friends and realtives need a speical mention.... ( it was an international news at one point)...but I ve a word limit to stick to! (So next time guys).
Epilogue:
The rehabilitation work for me and my roommates is being completed on our own. We are rebuilding from scratch.
Nobody can empathise with the tsunami victims the way do. We lived through it too.
Ash, Bhavs, Shiz------Roomies
Arv, Ups ---------------Friends
Moi---------------------Yours truly
Scene I
Ash: Get home fast, there's some trouble.
Bhavs: We need to pack and leave. Get home fast.
Shiz: Get home, damn your job!
Moi: I wont make it before two hours, unless I get to fly.
So by the time I reached home, one has left, two had packed, and I was left feeling all lost and foolish. Damn the traffic in Blore.
Now that was few weeks ago. And I am still recovering. Let me not divulge the gruesome details here, it was sad, and I ve put it behind me.
And I am not god, or even close, so I curse the tsunami that hit me, with all my heart.
It was as bad I tell you.
I lost my home, (thankfully lot less) belongings, proximity with some loved ones, and got a very rude shock of my life.
Even since, I 've talked to many of my friends here, and strangely, almost everyone of them, have at some time or the other, faced a similar situation. We have all been stranded on the road at least once. Is there something so enigmatic about Blore roads? I didnt find any in my last close encounter with it. Maybe such a (un)natural calamity is pretty common here.
Scene II
Arv: What are you contributing for the homeless ppl hit by tsunami?
[Now let me indicate that correctly at this time....even I was homeless].
Moi : I am homeless too, if u remember!!
Arv : Oh ya! Poor you what can u contribute.
Moi: Shdn't you undertake some relief work for me also! [loud laughs from all].
Scene III
Shiz: I was just wondering if we could donate our kitchen stuff to tsunami victims?
Moi: Why? [shocked].
Shiz: We arent using it.
Moi: Are you planning to live on air and water forever? What ll we put in our new kitchen?
Shiz: Oh I forgot, we ll be hopefully having a house soon.
Moi: Yeah [loud sigh].
Scene IV
Ups: Hi! Am in Blore.
Moi: Grt news. Meet up.
Ups: Sure. Am coming over to ur place, for a lovely dinner.
Moi: U r a week too late [and then begins the sad narration].
A word of appreciation...
Btw Arv donated a day's salary, so did Rohit. Good work guys. U r appreciated.
And a piece of advise...
Finding a DECENT house in Blore is not as easy as it sounds. Or u shd be a heir/heiress.
Acknowledgement.
A word of gratitute for Heretic and Varun who were very supportive despite geography. Thanks to Amit and Roy for helping the needy. And a BIG thanks to Shiz who managed to keep my interest in life alive, with all her antics and words of wisdom, even in the worst of times. A lot more friends and realtives need a speical mention.... ( it was an international news at one point)...but I ve a word limit to stick to! (So next time guys).
Epilogue:
The rehabilitation work for me and my roommates is being completed on our own. We are rebuilding from scratch.
Nobody can empathise with the tsunami victims the way do. We lived through it too.
Friday, July 16, 2004
SOMETHING TO EAT
They were walking hand in hand, happier than any body around, oblivious to everybody around. And in their hearts they both thanked that Mumbai is such a busy and crowded city.
"The best thing about a place like Mumbai is that no one knows you. Had we been in a smaller place, we would certainly have run into one of your dad's friends." Sunil said.
Ria giggled, and sighed, and was relieved.
A couple of minutes later.....
"You saw that guy we just passed. " he mumbled.
"The one talking on a cell? " she enquired.
"Yaa. He was my senior."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Lets skip dinner today. We can sit and talk a little longer. Besides am not really hungry." Ria sounded quite confidednt, and she guessed it was almost the truth.
"Are you sure?" Sunil tried to confirm. "Honestly I wont insist on a dinner, coz even I want to keep talking", he confessed.
So they let the though of dinner pass, and gained one more hour in the process.
"Alright time to get back home now." Ria said when the clock struck 11.
"You sure aren't hungry?" Sunil asked again.
"Not at all. Now stop bothering."
And as soon as she got back home, the first thing she did was grab the telephone. Furiously dialed Sunil's number...........ring.........ring..........
"Yes sweetheart?" he answered. Ria could almost see him smiling. She frowned, then smiled.
"I want to have pasta tomorrow" Ria said.
"As you wish, I had already decided on the restaurant."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"You duck, you have been forgetting my birthday for the last three years. This time I ll remember to forget yours" Ria said purposefully.
And with a twinge of guilt, she realized she actually wanted to be vindictive.
"My birthday is next month, and we are gonna be roommates then. Sorry dear, but you don't have a chance this time." Reva replied, not looking up, still fiddling with the card she was filling up.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Thank you" Sunil smiled at the secretary as she handed him the final documents.
"Now I am gonna have a better job, better pay and a better boss." Sunil raised a toast as he partied with his friends that night.
"Oh cmon man, how can u be so sure you ll have a better boss this time?" Varun teased. He was well aware how much Sunil hated his last boss.
"Kirshnamurthy is the worst boss in the world. And no matter how bad the next one may be, he can not equal this guy. That's the common knowledge in the industry here." And took a big gulp of his beer, definitely thanking his stars.
"So Sunil which company are you joining?" Nikhil enquired.
"Torpedo Systems. I am gonna be in the testing division." said a proud Sunil.
"Not under that fella Khanna, are you?" came the next question.
"Sure. It's him. A very nice guy. You know him?" Sunil was surprised.
"Even I used to think so, till I worked for him. I think Kirshnamurthy is much better." Nikhil shrugged, and Sunil's beer turned sour.
"The best thing about a place like Mumbai is that no one knows you. Had we been in a smaller place, we would certainly have run into one of your dad's friends." Sunil said.
Ria giggled, and sighed, and was relieved.
A couple of minutes later.....
"You saw that guy we just passed. " he mumbled.
"The one talking on a cell? " she enquired.
"Yaa. He was my senior."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Lets skip dinner today. We can sit and talk a little longer. Besides am not really hungry." Ria sounded quite confidednt, and she guessed it was almost the truth.
"Are you sure?" Sunil tried to confirm. "Honestly I wont insist on a dinner, coz even I want to keep talking", he confessed.
So they let the though of dinner pass, and gained one more hour in the process.
"Alright time to get back home now." Ria said when the clock struck 11.
"You sure aren't hungry?" Sunil asked again.
"Not at all. Now stop bothering."
And as soon as she got back home, the first thing she did was grab the telephone. Furiously dialed Sunil's number...........ring.........ring..........
"Yes sweetheart?" he answered. Ria could almost see him smiling. She frowned, then smiled.
"I want to have pasta tomorrow" Ria said.
"As you wish, I had already decided on the restaurant."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"You duck, you have been forgetting my birthday for the last three years. This time I ll remember to forget yours" Ria said purposefully.
And with a twinge of guilt, she realized she actually wanted to be vindictive.
"My birthday is next month, and we are gonna be roommates then. Sorry dear, but you don't have a chance this time." Reva replied, not looking up, still fiddling with the card she was filling up.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Thank you" Sunil smiled at the secretary as she handed him the final documents.
"Now I am gonna have a better job, better pay and a better boss." Sunil raised a toast as he partied with his friends that night.
"Oh cmon man, how can u be so sure you ll have a better boss this time?" Varun teased. He was well aware how much Sunil hated his last boss.
"Kirshnamurthy is the worst boss in the world. And no matter how bad the next one may be, he can not equal this guy. That's the common knowledge in the industry here." And took a big gulp of his beer, definitely thanking his stars.
"So Sunil which company are you joining?" Nikhil enquired.
"Torpedo Systems. I am gonna be in the testing division." said a proud Sunil.
"Not under that fella Khanna, are you?" came the next question.
"Sure. It's him. A very nice guy. You know him?" Sunil was surprised.
"Even I used to think so, till I worked for him. I think Kirshnamurthy is much better." Nikhil shrugged, and Sunil's beer turned sour.
Monday, December 08, 2003
BHOPAL EXPRESS
I was in Bhopal yesterday. It was a long short day. So much happened in course of just one day. I don’t understand y is it that when I step out of the house a day does seem to contain 24 hours after all. And when I am at home it hardly has what……10-15 hours. I guess the clocks at my home are cheating on me!!
I de never been to a Gurudwara before. And the sardarni I was with forgot to tell me that it is a must to cover ur head before u enter in one. So I guess I committed a grave folly. I was told to go out and cover my head. But by the time I came out, so did my friend, and we just moved. Anyway it was too embarrassing to go back again. I am sorry , though it was no fault of mine. But if I could ask God one question, I want to know did I get the blessings? Or did my ignorance deprive me of it?
The next incident was very strange. I remember I has been talking of that Iranian lady. And I just saw there couple of muslim women, in a pretty crowded restaurant there, covered from head to toe in black, in conservative hijab with only there eyes visible. And I could hardly believe that such people still live in some of the most progressive cities of India. Besides they must have been from a good enough, I mean well off families coz it was a pretty normal eating place, no road side dhaba. And I thought of that post I had written. We talk of being better than the rest of the world. We scorn countries who treat their women so, and we tend to turn a blind eye to what is happening right here.
Call me a feminist if u have to, but I cant help expressing my anger against such illogical and baseless practices.
And oh, I did have some good time out there too. Yummy ice creams by the cool lakeside is also something I would like to remember about this trip.
I was in Bhopal yesterday. It was a long short day. So much happened in course of just one day. I don’t understand y is it that when I step out of the house a day does seem to contain 24 hours after all. And when I am at home it hardly has what……10-15 hours. I guess the clocks at my home are cheating on me!!
I de never been to a Gurudwara before. And the sardarni I was with forgot to tell me that it is a must to cover ur head before u enter in one. So I guess I committed a grave folly. I was told to go out and cover my head. But by the time I came out, so did my friend, and we just moved. Anyway it was too embarrassing to go back again. I am sorry , though it was no fault of mine. But if I could ask God one question, I want to know did I get the blessings? Or did my ignorance deprive me of it?
The next incident was very strange. I remember I has been talking of that Iranian lady. And I just saw there couple of muslim women, in a pretty crowded restaurant there, covered from head to toe in black, in conservative hijab with only there eyes visible. And I could hardly believe that such people still live in some of the most progressive cities of India. Besides they must have been from a good enough, I mean well off families coz it was a pretty normal eating place, no road side dhaba. And I thought of that post I had written. We talk of being better than the rest of the world. We scorn countries who treat their women so, and we tend to turn a blind eye to what is happening right here.
Call me a feminist if u have to, but I cant help expressing my anger against such illogical and baseless practices.
And oh, I did have some good time out there too. Yummy ice creams by the cool lakeside is also something I would like to remember about this trip.
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