AVOID IT, let it go, put up with it, keep quite, bear it, escape, compromise.........yeah life's not been the best lately. And if you have 'lived' you will know that it's a cycle that will pop up and pull you under every once in a while.
So, I am down there......and mentioned above is the attitude I played it out with, thinking that this way i can cocoon myself and let all the water rush over and around me, just wait for the tsunami to pass, and then swim ashore and go back to doing my own thing the way I ve always been doing it.
Now, I have given this style quite some time, and its not working. My old style of being a 100% honest to the point of being brazen wouldn't work either.
So I am in water, and out of oxygen to stay under, and am not ashore to get up and just walk over......I think I have finally realized that I have to learn to swim.
Not a very pleasing thought, coz its work....hard work. learning and un-learning some.....
But I ve got to try this, and if it doesn't work something else and if that doesn't work something else ...... I cant let go, sit it out and die under water.
My blog has been a reflection of that avoiding attitude too..... no need to sit and write your thoughts, why bother, why wonder.....but hell, I ve missed it. I know I cant stay away too long....so I ve gotta re-invent it.
Somebody asked me a few days ago.....what's your dream job (or words to that effect). And it was then that it struck me that i had completely given up on myself..... I was fighting, but I was pushing walls, and getting way too tired in the process to do any productive work.
I ve to find the doors now, and I ve to get them to open. but at least I ll make some progress. Sure there will be wrong turns, but when have we ever reached your destination without taking a few. If nothing else it teach me the roads to avoid.
So I guess......I am back!! Or is it just another of those moments late into the night when you have the smartest plan in the world, which conveniently slips out with the first light of dawn and the beginning of the Real Day.
Ah! shall know that soon....
P.S. Spell checking I realised, I use a lot of "I". Now is that a good or bad thing?
So, I am down there......and mentioned above is the attitude I played it out with, thinking that this way i can cocoon myself and let all the water rush over and around me, just wait for the tsunami to pass, and then swim ashore and go back to doing my own thing the way I ve always been doing it.
Now, I have given this style quite some time, and its not working. My old style of being a 100% honest to the point of being brazen wouldn't work either.
So I am in water, and out of oxygen to stay under, and am not ashore to get up and just walk over......I think I have finally realized that I have to learn to swim.
Not a very pleasing thought, coz its work....hard work. learning and un-learning some.....
But I ve got to try this, and if it doesn't work something else and if that doesn't work something else ...... I cant let go, sit it out and die under water.
My blog has been a reflection of that avoiding attitude too..... no need to sit and write your thoughts, why bother, why wonder.....but hell, I ve missed it. I know I cant stay away too long....so I ve gotta re-invent it.
Somebody asked me a few days ago.....what's your dream job (or words to that effect). And it was then that it struck me that i had completely given up on myself..... I was fighting, but I was pushing walls, and getting way too tired in the process to do any productive work.
I ve to find the doors now, and I ve to get them to open. but at least I ll make some progress. Sure there will be wrong turns, but when have we ever reached your destination without taking a few. If nothing else it teach me the roads to avoid.
So I guess......I am back!! Or is it just another of those moments late into the night when you have the smartest plan in the world, which conveniently slips out with the first light of dawn and the beginning of the Real Day.
Ah! shall know that soon....
P.S. Spell checking I realised, I use a lot of "I". Now is that a good or bad thing?
1 comment:
A lot of I on your own page is totally justified :) Where else do you get to use it?
Sybil.
http://multiplepersonalitiesmisordered.blog.com/
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