HUM BEWAFA HARGIS NA THE….

….par hum wafa kar na sake, hum ko mili usaki saza hum jo khata kar na sake.
I saw him in my dreams last night again. Its been 2 days in continuation. Yesterday I didn’t pay much attention coz I thought it might be just a coincidence. But today again? Why? Why does he come back in my thoughts with such pangs. I spoilt my entire morning fighting with myself……..I don’t want to think of him, hez not what he used to be for me. I don’t think of him, and when I do his thoughts bring no happiness. Pain and only pain ,is what is not left associated with him.
Its nobody’s fault, I don’t blame him. We have drifted apart that all. So then why does he pop up for no reason in most unexpected of places? And why does it trouble me?
I am trying to get my life in shape, and right now I don’t want jolts. Plz no. Just leave me alone. Its been years, but I need more time. The wound was too deep, its still filling and it ll take some more time……… how much time I cant say for sure. Maybe another couple of years or more.
In the meantime, I want to be away from his thougths, his sightings or whatever. Because every time he has come in my life there has been an upheaval. I ve set some goals for myself which are very important, and I cant afford the luxury of any upheaval. The most important aspect of my healing process is gaining control of life. And this time I am going to do it thoroughly. I ve planned long, and I have hard work ahead. Because the destination I ve set for myself is far, and once I reach there I know there will be no looking back. I want to get away, I want to reach a point where I can afford not to look back, and even if I do , it would so far away, that no memory or pain will ever be able to reach me there.
I know I cant run away, and I want to fight it. Coz only when I ve faced it through, will I ever truly get over it. And I don’t want to see or think of him, coz that would mess up two struggles, and no man can fight on two different fronts at one time. So give me time to get control over myself, and I will answer any questions you have. On my part, I don’t want questions remaining. It will be difficult to forgive you, but I am trying to do that. I am trying to get indifferent, I wont let you have any powers to hurt me anymore. Coz the opposite of love is not hate, its indifference.