Pre marital sex!
Okay, I 've spilled the beans, so let's get down to the point as fast as possible......
This happened a couple of weeks ago, when the Khushboo controversy was at its heightened best. I was chatting with a friend - evidently male - (or else how do u thing it is gonna be spicy), and with reference to his comment on "susanskrit bhartiya nari" I just happened to say that Indian women have come a long way today.
And of course I mentioned the Khushboo issue!
What followed next took me by surprise, SHOCK would be a better word though.
First he said, it is just a media created hype (ah! I was happy at that), but then he elaborated stating that pre-marital sex ain't the norm in India!
(At this point you need to know that this guy lives in urban India, has lived there all his life and works for a BIG software company!)
I clearly cut his version out...........so he diluted it a bit, saying pre-marital sex if just a metro phenomena. Again, I couldn't help correcting him, stating some facts - I ve a close friend who is a gynecologist, and mind you in one of the small town of India, and what she has told me about sex and complications occurring due to ignorance before marriage isn't all that nice a story.
Next came his hanker - that it is just a "call center" phenomena (by now I was wondering where will guy stop). Personally I 've friends working both day and night jobs and would not agree to any of the groups being labeled this way. Coz I am more aware and prefer to see the fact as it is. Again, I told him just to do a small survey in his day-job software company, and get the picture straight.
To tell you the fact, I was devastated almost halfway through the conversation.
But the story doesn't end here yet........
It started to border hilarity - when voicing my ideas I was suddenly labeled as anti-Indian and anti-Indian-culture. Now somebody tell me where does the culture come from in between all this?
A lot of mess was created coz so many tangential issues were being mixed up with this one. I was instantaneously flooded with rebuttals singing the tunes of social norms, Indian society, our culture, heritage, etc etc. I ve observed this to be the story everywhere - even on those TRP topping debates on most Indian channels.
By the way, no one ever asked if all these supposed norms were only for a female. I guess they all knew the answer - but of course!
Why am I dwelling on all this?
Well, if this, or even close to this, is the picture that the supposedly modern and awakened youth of today paints in his mind, no wonder Khushboo was at the receiving end of many a brick-bats.
What has suddenly alarmed me is the level of ignorance, and the stubbornness to keep it that way - which was more than in-my-face during the entire episode.
If my dear friend could have such views, am sure there would be so may more out there in his tribe. Are we ready to take them all on? Tough task ahead ladies, but then when has live been easier on us. It's gonna be a dirty long fight. And it has just begun.
My only question is that -
at the age when a "CULTURED INDIAN GIRL" is perfectly eligible by social and legal laws to marry, bear children, vote, work, is suddenly not allowed to make some of her own choices - just because they are sexual in nature?
11 comments:
Well even I am under the impression that pre-marital sex is not a norm in India. But if I am wrong - I have a reasons, have been out of India for 2 years yaar :P (and for 4 years in kharagpur before that ;))
Anyways, I guess the society pressurizes girls to be more cautious - because its the girl in the end who will suffer if something goes wrong. I don't know - is abortion legal in India?
About Khushboo controversy - well she has every right to voice her opinion. Its stupid of the PMK/DMK people to file lawsuits against her for using her right to freedom of speech. I guess they don't have much to do nowadays.
You can read my thoughts on this issue here:
The Myth of a glass house
ritesh "I don't know - is abortion legal in India?" ..... which world r u living in really?
btw, let me mention that legal laws have always been over-riden by social pressure in this country.
so even if abortions r legal, they tend to be a hush-hush affair, juicy gossip for neighbours, and scandalous for families.
anyways, accepting/legalizing abortion is NOT THE SOLUTION.
hypocrites... thats all have to say.... the quote " Virginity is not dignity, its just lack of opportunity" applies correctly to the Indian Male.. if they have had some pre marital, its becomes an alright.. otherwise its against the Indian culture... such fuck shit it is.. being a male myself, it feels really weird when frnds around you react in that manner as your dear frnd... Anyways i feel its a matter of personal choice... its none of my business to say its right or wrong... whether is Indian Culture or Not...
Moral of the story: Change your friend! :) Jokes apart, sex -- pre-marital or post -- is an entirely personal and private thing. It has been happening since centuries, it is happening, and will happen in future as well. Linking it to any culture, trend or phenomenon would be rather naive. I blame the media, which blows such issues up for titillation value.
Come on, I am with your tribe in this "dirty long fight." Cheers!
Silly goose actually said that? Poor fool is so out of reality! The small towns are even more happening than the Metros. People have always blamed the entertainment industry (in all its forms--from Bioscopes, Magazines, Books, to Cinema). Human instinct does not change, and despite the legal restrictions imposed, several minors do end up enjoying a far more liberal sexlife than we understand.
Fact of the matter is that the age of consent is what you are talking about. In the UK (as in so many of the "developed" and "Third-world" countries), it stands at 16. Bottomline: If we can vote for a politician who will then screw millions at one shot, why can't we choose whom to go to bed with and actually enjoy the experience out of our accord?
PS: The issue will never be resolved amiably~it evokes the strongest reactions. Perhaps my view might change a few decades later as the father of a wild teenage girl, but who wants to be worried about that right now? :p
i liked your post ..
heretic yeah the battle continues.
and "father of a wild teenage girl".....lol!! wld love to hear from u then.
wrt to this post....ppl r already calling me too liberal and un-real. and as always coming from unexpected quarters....... makes me wonder how superficial ppl are.
bangalore guy there is more.... lets see what the law exctly says.
http://www.womenexcel.com/law/abortion.htm
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