BLUE SCREEN

I want to write a story.
Spin a tale, dream a little, fill it up with the beauty and paradox of life and revel in the pride of my own creation.
Only life isn't that easy! My mind is completely shut out. Severe power failure. Or is it just a small bug? Whatever, the effects aren't favorable.

It's not about ease. C'mon I don't expect it to be easy. But why do things always have to take a 180 degrees turn.
Nothing works out......nothing is working out now.
I ve thought and thought so much, every thing - past, present and future. No don't tell me to rule out those two.........they are as important as present.

Sometimes I wonder what is present is not a residue of the past and a hope of the future. Every day, damn every day, one works just to improve on yesterday and make a better tomorrow.

And if I am not convinced enough today.....it undermines everything else. Past is gone and cant be helped, future is as blurred as ever, but if I cant even b sure of today, if I cant find peace of mind even today.........why am I going on.

And I cant close my eyes to what stares me in face.
Maybe it was not meant to be. Maybe I am mistaken.

Mind starts thinking the way, things have to turn. Oh yes it is so for some lesser mortals as myself. (Am not ready to hear ny more lectures on optimism.)

My Maa once told me, everything that happen is a part of some bigger plan. Now if only I knew that bigger plan................

Let me breath.