JOIE DE VIVRE

Hazaar raahein mud ke dekhein
Kahin se koi sada na aayee
 
Sometimes words don't make sense. And your own mind is your biggest enemy. U r forbidden the only thing u want. Options are too few. And none fits the bill.
Nothing at all matters.
 
Badee wafa se nibhai tumne
Humaari thodi se bewafaee...
 
Meera was so tired that her eyes hurt. But she could not shut them. They hurt more when she tried to. Sleep eluded her. She pleaded, coaxed, threatened, begged, but sleep would not take pity on her. "Why doesn't this day just end?", and as usual there was nobody to answer. 
  
" I went to bed too blank and too shocked to figure out anything. And it was a torturous sleep. I was drifting in and out of it, and after a while I couldn't figure out my state. So I let it be whatever way it wanted to be. And it was a process, a process of analysis, as if I was consulting my conscious and subconscious at the same time. But it was painful. A pain very real, very physical and inevitable. But had to be born.
 
When I woke up, it felt as if I ve just got up from a long analysis session. Analysis in a state of dream. Can I trust it? Or had I slept at all last night. I don't know and probably will never know. But I woke up with a clear mind. I had reached a decision. At least a plan of action.
 
And funny thing is, I woke up at 5am, without an alarm. Something I haven't done in ages. And the funniest part is even after the night's torture, I felt as fresh as dew." That is what Meera's journal read like at 6:30am the next day.
 
She waited till evening, then till late in night. But chose to wait a little longer.
"Tomorrow morning perhaps" and she decided to catch up on some sleep. 
 
"Fine by me. At least u voiced your fears. But I don't want to do nothing. I don't want to have regrets, so I am here to give it one last try, if that is what it has to be." she avoided looking him in the eyes.
 
"Look Meera, its not an on-off thing. It was a difficult decision, but now that it's taken, I feel, I am almost over it." 
 
"Hardly two days, and you are over it. Are you sure? Or is it just that the initial passion has subsided. All storms subside, but they leave changes behind. Look again. Think again. Maybe there are things you haven't figured out yet. Changes you don't even know about." Those were the words she left unsaid. 
 
"I didn't know how to take it. I guess it hurt my ego too much. Maybe it's better this way. Come what may, I will not plead, or beg. And now the time has gone for either. I went to try, but after these words, I had nothing left to say, nothing left to do. You speak to someone who listens. But he had turned deaf.
 
It will hurt initially, but with time, the pain shall subside. The pricks won't hurt anymore. And I will laugh it over a cup of coffee. If I live to see it through, I ll be stronger tomorrow." 
 
With that she dropped her pen, turned the diary shut. Lazily gazed at the clock, which said 2:19 am, and started to prepare for another sleepless night.
 
Ironically she slept soundly, till sunshine dazzled the dark room.