Today a sudden though gripped me and I went fishing for my old journals.
It was all so strange. I cldnt believe this was me. Or this is what is me. No one who knew me then would have guessed that this is how my life would turn; this is what I ll grow to be.
The handwriting was kid like, and even what was written was quite immature. (had to be, I was so young and innocent)
What really struck me was how trusting I was. I refused to see what I dint want to see even when it was staring me in the face. I was so naïve. So childishly stubborn. No wonder I had to learn all the life’s lessons the hard way.
But one thing is still amazes me. The power of conviction in young. When I was younger I believe so strongly and so easily. And those beliefs were unshakeable. Even without enough basis, I was never short of conviction.
And now belief is something most hard to come by. With everything to prove it, I still find myself wondering whether I should lay my complete trust in it. that is what life has done to me. To the child in me. But then this is a grown up’s world. That child would never have survived here. Would have been killed long ago. So if I spared it death by forcing it to grow, I dont believe it was a crime at all.
Oh yes the innocence is lost. That ll be a sad point, but a lot more has been gained in the process. I hope its payment enough. Under no condition can I call my life sorry today. No. Actually its better than it has ever been. I had just beliefs then, I have solid foundations for them now. Its better this way.
Maybe this is the whole point of growing up, realizing and accepting to urself that it is better this way.
Just a last thought for that little girl, who wanted to grow up but never knew how tough it would be. I hope she is happy now. Coz I am.
