A DISMAL VIRTUE

Macmillan’s advanced learners dictionary says

empathy / B `empETi / A noun [uncount]
the ability to understand how someone feels because you can imagine what it is like to be

This then is possible only if u have lived through a similar experience urself. And if it hurts someone else u ve been through the hurt too. But just because u ve been through the experience, r u better equipped to deal with it. Or r u better equipped to advise someone else? If u so well knew the right decision to take, y didn’t u take it urself. And if u ve had an enlightment after the incident, is it necessary tht ur conclusions ll be as applicable in this case too. Coz every person thins and reacts differently, nd wht is right for u might not be right for him.

Y am I talking abt all this. No I ve not been empathizing with someone, nor has nyone been doin so with me. Its just tht I came across the exact dictionary meaning of this word few days back, and this thought had been formulating in my head for quite some time.
And ppl say its good to empathize. I feel it’s a pity if u r in a position to empathize. Coz seeing someone else suffer the same way u had done, see him feel the same pain, shame or embarrassment, is like living through it all over again. And its like pain resurging in old wounds. I know it coz sometimes I do get to empathize. It’s a terrible feeling. U want to do smth to help the person and u know there is nothing u can do. Sometimes one has to live through a particular bad experience to grow stronger. Therez just no other way to learn it.
Any girl in this country knows wht it means to walk on the streets and bear the lewd and dirty comments and glances of every tom, dick nd harry. N everybody finds out a way to deal with it. But seeing a dear one – probably a sister or a daughter – going through it for the first time, and being embarrassed just as u had been, its like going through it all over gain. The pain never dies; instead it comes back with a lot more force.
Y does it hurt so much more this time? Maybe coz u knew it was coming, and still u cld do nothing to prevent it, take no precaution against it.
Now I get some idea y parents try to be so protective. Sadly their being so is of no help. The sooner u face it , the sooner u learnt to deal with it, but try as u might its impossible to escape it. But my heart goes out to that mother who has to put up a bold face before her daughter and teach her how to tackle it all. Just one more reason y Indian women r so grt.
There can be a thousand such examples. But thinking abt each one of them makes my heart sink further. Maybe the virtues of the world r not so virtuous after all. Reminds me why my bible says about “pity”. Being helpless is the biggest failure for human race. Specially, after it has been established tht we r superior to every other living race on this planet. We might have come a long way……….but we yet have a lot farther to go.