Buoyancy

It’s so easy to know your mind. I know my mind. I always have. And thts been a problem for me. Ppl around me feel that a person as young as me is not supposed to be blessed with such a quality. But alas!
Its not difficult to know wht u want, its difficult to convince others that ur demands r justified. Now I am not talking of the whole damn world, but abt ppl who matter in ones life. Ppl who matter in my life.
But……….ummmmm……….I guess I ve never settled for anything less, so I wont this time around either. I ll get things done my way, eventually.
Its so funny. But its sad too.
If things don’t happen the right way I know how to get them done the wrong way. But I pray to lord tht I never need to use those ways.
Now this is a moral dilemma. I don’t want to compromise and I don’t want to deceive anybody.
It feels good if ppl u love share in your achievements, but if they don’t …….it wont make me think less of myself. The message I seem to give out is – U adjust, I wont.
Now I can see y ppl call me headstrong. And know wht I am not sorry abt tht. I am proud of it.
And as always Fountainhead remains my bible. Try not to hurt other ppl, but not at the cost of hurting yourself. If egoist is the word for me let it be.

I feel so light. And I think of Geeta here. Arjun was in a moral dilemma too, coz the ppl he was abt to fight were his own, nd he felt he couldn’t go against them. I am in a similar situation. And I know wht to do.
It is not abt karma, its abt dharma. Its abt doing ur duty. Its abt being true to yourself.
I ws filling one of the forms today and there ws this question – wht does success mean to u?
I know I wont ever call myself successful if I don’t try wht I want to try. One shd learn from past mistakes. I tried compromising once, nd I know never in my life will I be able to respect this decision.
But I had no choice then (thts my only excuse). But I have a choice now (so no excuse will do). And by no means will I ever let tht happen again.
Why the hell did I feel so weak yesterday? Y was I so scared. Probably feeling weak is a pre-requisite for courage to surface.
And also writing it down is necessary in order to sort it out.

Also thx to Heretic. Maybe I needed his reminding me of wht I had forgotten.