IRONY OF CYNICSM

Every cynic is a sentimentalist under the skin. Me included.
I thy so hard to hide it, to negate it, refute it to even myself. But its a lot more stubborn than I am. N y not…its my own doing.
But the only reason I don’t submit to my feelings is coz I fear hey ll land me up in trouble, nd the usually do. Every time I get hurt , by nybody, I feel its worthless to care for ppl, coz they care 4 u back. I guess thts a reactive sentiment tht pops up in such moments. A shell to protect myself from future hurts. But coz its not an artificial thing, I never stays too long. I fall into the trap over nd over gain.
And y shd I not. I am human, nd I cant be inhuman living in my own world. I alone do not make my world, nd never wld. I need ppl, ppl I love, ppl I care abt, nd ppl who wld love me back nd care for me. I want to share my life…..i don’t want to live alone. Nd thts y I give it a try time nd again, nd sometimes I do slip. But tht shd not make me bitter…n usually I am not.
Once again I am at a point I my life where I am open to life nd feelings, nd this is my caution speaking. I don’t want to get myself into troule……..but I guess I ll keep falling into trouble till I learn to keep out it. Nd closing myself to the world is certainly not he way……..not my way.
I am here to live, to love n care for ppl. N I ll keep doin tht all my life.