THE CHOCOLATE CAKE

Homecoming

2011-09-16T11:17:00.002+05:30

I am back in BANGALORE. Am Home.

L'Envie d'aimer

2011-07-10T17:09:00.002+05:30

I am loving this song today....."L'Envie d'aimer"by French-born singer Daniel Lévi. (Video included below)

In 2002, Céline Dion released a version in English under the title "The Greatest Reward" on her album A New Day Has Come. I have heard the song and re-visited it today, but the original is still preferable somehow.

Am still looking for exact English translation of the song tough....am sure some french lovin friends can help ;)

P.S. Also if someone can share an audio version for my phone, it would be most welcome :)

Bend in the road

2011-05-19T17:08:00.000+05:30

A tiny bend in the road, a slight change of plan, a pressing dream, a shattered aspiration......any of them (and more) can alter the course of life probably forever.

As I look back I can think of so many instances where a slight turn of events / thoughts / or aspirations could have led to an absolutely different outcome ....or would it really?

Some say it's all pre-destined but sometimes I wonder had I not answered that phone call what sea of difference it would have made? Could have been worse and that's a relieving thought, but could have been better....only I ll never know.

No use crying over spilt milk...but does not never dare to imagine the sweet and creamy taste of custard it would have made had it stayed in the pot!

Apple of my Eye

2011-04-21T15:06:00.001+05:30

I wouldn't really qualify into the early adopters list....infact I might be among the last ones on the iPhone 3GS bandwagon, with 4G out long enough time and talk of a 5G on the horizon! But hey....it was and is my Dream Phone! And I am jus lovin it.

Been a long time Nokia user myself and Hubby included...... yet the iPhone's charm and didistinctive attraction is inescapable! (and i would include the entire Apple line of products in general, having experienced the iPad too).

The transition is like moving from bread to mousse! It MELTS at touch........in fact the first few days when I was still getting used to its touch screen i de often unknowing tap in all the wrong places and get all weired responses.
Now I ve learnt to tame my lovely white horse (black actually) and it is jus the most beautiful piece of gadget I have ever owned - despite the iTunes depending for almost everything and absence of common functionalities like speed dial or add delete from the device itself, format restrictions etc etc.

Am blind to any flaws that it may have .........sounds like am in LOVE! All seems only rosy.

Big Thanks to Hubby.....who got it as a "Surprise Gift" !! Am blown away :)

One Life to Love

2011-04-04T20:10:00.000+05:30

Mild tremors of earthquake jolted my office today. I was on my feet and moving around so didn't realize it immediately even though I am on the top floor of a tall building. However people who were sitting down felt it....and we all rushed out of the room eventually.....only to realize it had passed and was not coming back. Slowly not so surely we came came back to our room our work, our present.

However, a though lingered......

The moment I was running out, clutching my phone - all I cld think of were of the very very important people in my life, and wondering if I would have the time and signals enough too call all of them.......in case this doesn't pass by harmlessly.
(Too much drama in too little time you would say....NO! The mind is the fastest in the universe, and even text as ancient as Mahabharata accept it.)

Anyway, once the moment passed it struck me that all days and all nights I usually spend thinking about people who make my life miserable in one way or the other. And at that one instance when my existence was threatened, they were nowhere on my mind....in fact far far away from it.
All that mattered were the select few who make it worth living.

If life is so short & fickle......... then why do I spend so much time thinking about things and people that don't really matter. Revelation? Indeed, and a liberating one.

I have know this, I have read this.....but I had to experience this, for it to hit home. (Like Aamir Khan says to Kareena Kapoor in Three Idiots - tumhe har baar demo dikhana padta hai)
I think it was a sign, a demo for me by God, coz lately I had been fighting with too many daemons a losing battle. This changes it all.

Since this evening I have spent a lot of time thinking of people I love and people who really matter....and it has made a a fortress in my mind that nothign is able to penetrate now.
I know that the termites of trouble work differently, they never attack from the front, but enter slyly........but now I know what the antidote is and how to plug the hole.

We have just this One Life to Love and Cherish and be Happy...........am not wasting it anymore.

Winds of Change

2011-03-29T21:32:00.001+05:30

Change is the only constant. And thank god for that.

There are times when ones needs change - and it is only the hope of a change that makes the current bearable.
And don't we all pursue a change - change to a better job, better house, better car, better friends, better bosses.........better self (very few pursue that one). But the idea is that we all look for and aspire for change, but don't always welcome it, coz it doesn't come in the in the shape or form we desire or expect. Never.

Right now I know I am in for a lot of change, and just as with everybody else, it may not come in the exact fit I am looking for, but it promises to be way better than the current cut. And I going to be happy about it, even if it requires some effort at times.....

Am just so glad that a change is on the cards !! :)

The Great Indian Women

2011-03-28T14:42:00.002+05:30

Most of the Indian customs, ceremonies, and traditions are nothing but sexist. And the reason they will never go away is because the creators and custodians are the women themselves. In fact they compete with each other and tally scores on who did more stringent, meticulous and downright irrational following one or more such rites and rituals.

The Indian Women at large do not believe or want to believe in a possibility of liberation ; in fact mother to daughter generation after generation the beliefs are handed down – that you are just a woman, and your place is in the house, your nature is to be meek and suffering is your liberation. In fact the more u suffer the greater the redemption…..where else do you think the notions of nirjala (waterless) fasts come from. The more you give up the better person you are? Really?

And why would the men folk bother or want to bother about changing any of it. Works fine for them….they don't even have to move a finger, as is the woman is ready to believe that her place is as their servant – servants to husbands, households and children. And if anybody thinks otherwise – there are again provisions given to men to get violent or barbaric.

There are indeed exceptions , but then they are examples and not the norm.

Norm is that the Indian Women, are the biggest opponent of any woman within their fraternity who tries to do or even think otherwise. We as a group are very much like the crabs….can't bear to see anyone break free. And we guise it under the grabs of upholding tradition and culture. I challenge everyone to go ask any big mouth of culture and tradition, as to why a specific ritual or ceremony is followed and the only answer they will give you is coz that is how it has been done for centuries. They ll never have a reason or logic for it. And they will not want to see any either.

Now, I don't say that our generation has it the hardest…… I cannot even imagine how the rebellious souls in the previous ones would have coped, when the level of education and exposure was way too less than what it is today.

But I guess just like the women of today they too were driven by an inner belief of right and wrong; and keeping mum was just not acceptable in their personal value system.

Guess some things should remain constant over the generations….for the generations to go on.

Re-thinking tonight

2011-03-28T01:34:00.000+05:30

AVOID IT, let it go, put up with it, keep quite, bear it, escape, compromise.........yeah life's not been the best lately. And if you have 'lived' you will know that it's a cycle that will pop up and pull you under every once in a while.
So, I am down there......and mentioned above is the attitude I played it out with, thinking that this way i can cocoon myself and let all the water rush over and around me, just wait for the tsunami to pass, and then swim ashore and go back to doing my own thing the way I ve always been doing it.
Now, I have given this style quite some time, and its not working. My old style of being a 100% honest to the point of being brazen wouldn't work either.
So I am in water, and out of oxygen to stay under, and am not ashore to get up and just walk over......I think I have finally realized that I have to learn to swim.
Not a very pleasing thought, coz its work....hard work. learning and un-learning some.....

But I ve got to try this, and if it doesn't work something else and if that doesn't work something else ...... I cant let go, sit it out and die under water.

My blog has been a reflection of that avoiding attitude too..... no need to sit and write your thoughts, why bother, why wonder.....but hell, I ve missed it. I know I cant stay away too long....so I ve gotta re-invent it.

Somebody asked me a few days ago.....what's your dream job (or words to that effect). And it was then that it struck me that i had completely given up on myself..... I was fighting, but I was pushing walls, and getting way too tired in the process to do any productive work.

I ve to find the doors now, and I ve to get them to open. but at least I ll make some progress. Sure there will be wrong turns, but when have we ever reached your destination without taking a few. If nothing else it teach me the roads to avoid.

So I guess......I am back!! Or is it just another of those moments late into the night when you have the smartest plan in the world, which conveniently slips out with the first light of dawn and the beginning of the Real Day.

Ah! shall know that soon....

P.S. Spell checking I realised, I use a lot of "I". Now is that a good or bad thing?

Homecoming

2010-11-16T11:01:00.001+05:30

The last post was not end of service notice, nor was it a down for maintenance kinda announcement. I was more trying to say that well.....i might be changing the theme or feel of the blog, or so I though.

I thought I could talk of things impersonal and remain completely objective on the blog. And since I could not find anything i do or say or thing - where my "heart" does not enter, this space has remained unwritten for so long.

Guess I had forgotten that I call my blog Dil Se!!

To blog or not to blog

2010-06-24T15:05:00.001+05:30

Its not that i don't have much to say/write - its jus that i am wary of blogspaces now. For three reasons....or maybe they r all the same and interrelated somehow...

Blogsphere is not what it used to be...not for me at least. Firstly with too many in-person associations moving to the blogs and the other way round, I often refrain from speaking my mind, coz inevitable questions/comments/references travel back to me in the real world, and it is not always welcome. People who really know me – i wouldn't want to keep a facade from them – but then you don't always want to be questioned or judged on your beliefs or thoughts.

Secondly to me blogsville was a place of sane-minded people. The power of expression was what brought us all together, but it was a far more civilised place back then than what it is today. I was drawn to it and I stayed because I felt that here is a community that can understand and appreciate new thoughts and ideas. Sadly today when I read comments on some though provoking posts, or some of the posts themselves - it is very disappointing to see that every tom dick and harry feels that jus coz he/she has a keyboard he/she will type. Sure you always have to separate the grain from the chaff, seems to me there is more and more chaff and a lot less real grain.

Sure I can choose not to read what i don't want to - but it is very disappointing when I see certain regressive groups or individuals trying to put down a perfectly sensible opinion, just because now they can. And they don't play fair coz they have never been taught to. The attacks do not stay just on the opinion, most people get personal attacking the writer with personal remarks and slime.

Women – modern educated women with a head above their shoulder - are surely the worst hit (or maybe I am too gender sensitive) ; coz i see every time somebody expresses a decent progressive modernistic though, u ll find weird, sleazy, oppressive, downright disgusting comments popping up from everywhere and nowhere. And with names u haven't ever heard of, with blog addresses that don't exist and what not. Thankfully my blog is not so popular, and for the reason I mentioned first I try to stay a li'l more politically correct, else I too would have had a lot of this first hand, and that sure would have disillusioned if not infuriated me (though that is also highly unlikely given my rather short fuse ).

And thirdly, most of my ol' time friends or people I liked to read and interact with through comments have either stopped, moved without disclosing new addresses or just grown out of blogging.

All this and more leaves me with very little motivation to really put that thought, effort or heart in into blogging – here. Wonder if I too should move to a more anonymous place sometime....

Posting from email

2010-06-21T20:06:00.001+05:30

Since there are issues with blogger in my ofice network, testing email posting now !! Phew, thank god there are work arounds....

Picking up the Pieces

2010-02-19T21:54:00.005+05:30

They are generations apart, and by the traditional hindu family laws shouldn't even sit in the same room, let alone next to each other and have a real talk; yet the many times when I ve seen them so engrossed in their conversations, I ve wondered how come they have so much to share. But that is the very beauty of their relation : my mom and my grandfather's.

She is the eldest bahu, educated, social, its just impossible not to be affected by her lively, social (sometimes too social - only a daughter can dare to say that and live to see teh next day) and vivacious ways.

He is very simple, shy, most accommodating, yet most knowledgeable and intellectually progressed person in his generation, and many generations after his. Guess being a scholar of the Bhagwat Gita has its own advantages.

I have always admired the lovely bond they have shared, and I had hoped that someday I will have something similarly beautiful with my father-in-law. And it was not difficult to imagine that because he too was a very lively person, easy to talk to and someone who can make you confortabe in conversation in matter of minutes.

Sure there was the initial ice to be broken, confidence to be earned, traditions to be changed, new ways to be made. It all needed time, patience, experiences, events . . . . . . and so much more. But guess I am not as lucky as my mom has been. He left me a bit too early - and among the many dreams/ plans that he left unfinished, this was one little one I had had just for the two of us.

P.S. My husband directed me to this particular piece on one of those days when i was rather lost..... (youtube forbids embedding, damn!)

Hope to survive

2009-12-06T11:54:00.001+05:30

Every time i am happy, or content, or settled, i try to record, capture, and remember it for as long as i can. I also try to live every moment of it as much as possible. Coz i ve learnt - the hard way - in life ALWAYS happiness and stability is most fickle of things.

I had just begun to settle down when i wrote the last post, and then within a matter od days the most unsettling face of life unraveled for my entire family....

The turn it has taken will haunt us for the rest of our lives....but what choice do we have now, but to live every day of pain, grief and uncertainty.

I know i ll be back, and re-create almost from the scratch (coz i had just scratched teh surface before), and i ll be much grown up and wiser hopefully hence also more melancholy, but till then, pray for me and all my loved ones - its teh toughest of times.

Day like today...

2009-10-27T23:23:00.003+05:30

Getting on with Week 1 in California. And its been lovely so far.....
The red leaved rustling outside the window are beautiful and the sunshine is warm. Nights are cold and cozy and being home is fun coz i am loving having so much constructive time by myself.
Hubby Dear has setup a lovely home, really not much to do, besides adding a woman's touch to it and splashing it with more color and order sometimes. Besides am an outdoor bird through and through.

Been keeping busy since i landed a few days ago - from exploring the neighbourhood, to doing rounds in the long aisles of US stores, driving by my old office - and missing it, visiting San Francisco city - the usual fun and frolic down Pier 39, Golden Gate, Sausalito, Crookedest Street and the likes. I plan to explore a lot more of the city in smaller pockets over a period of time. So if there are ny suggestions keep em coming...

Emotionally i haven't been so content in a long long time. I sleep well, eat well and laugh a lot. I ve also turned into a morning person, getting up before the alarm clock !!! Imagine!!!

I am living almost everything i waited for and dreamt of for a loooong time. Simple, daily, routine, mundane things. (Apart from a job) I dont think I want to ask for anything more right now...

Vacationing !!

2009-10-03T02:33:00.001+05:30

I ve quit my job, and i am moving to different country – yeah the same ol’ boring US – and i am gonna be a homemaker for a while (aargh!!).

But i think, the reality has not struck me home yet, coz right now i am having a hell of a time at home (in india) and it has proved to be the loveliest vacation coz it does not hold an approaching deadline, threatening to get over soon. All i am seeing beyond this vacation is another vacation....talk about rose coloured glasses.

But u know wht, i ll cross the bridge when i come to it, till them eat, sleep and be merry! What more can i possibly want !! (okie, that’s technically impossible isin’t it :P )

Yet another move...

2009-09-11T14:13:00.002+05:30

This blog has become more of a notice board lately - but i am hoping soon.....well, soon enough ;P ...... i will settle down, in some part of the world, get my thoughts collected and start writing, as in really writing!

And i am rather hopeful, because I do foresee a future where I ll have a lot of time - a lot more than I like, but i ll figure out a way to fill it. More on that when we get there, meanwhile I am moving!!

Leaving a city i ve come to call home last five years, surprisingly so, coz when i first came to B'lore, all I could think of was leaving it. It took me rather long to settle in here, but now i seem to have started growing roots!!!
It has shown me the best year of my life yet, it have given me my bestest of friends, the love of my life and so much more..... :)
(but that doesn't mean i dont have improvement feedback for it, but will post that some other time)

So it's a happy-sad move for now - sad for all the above reasons, happy coz i ll be starting a new life with my Hubby Dear soon......so, cheers to that!

Another one passes by..

2009-08-10T14:48:00.002+05:30

This birthday has been an interesting one.....with a couple of yummy cakes, new associations and some very fun times. And it has also opened roads to places I had been waiting to go to, for a while now :)

Yummy Times !!

Awarded !!

2009-08-03T23:16:00.005+05:30

Thanks David for the honor :)
It was in fact the much needed kick to get me back to blogging.... just been soo lazy, and a lil busy :P

The Kreative Blogger Award comes with these rules :-

1. You must thank the person who has given you the award.
2. Copy the logo and place it on your blog.
3. Link the person who has nominated you for the award.
4. Name 7 things about yourself that people might find interesting.
5. Nominate 7 other Kreativ bloggers.
6. Post links to the 7 blogs you nominate.
7. Leave a comment on which of the blogs to let them know they have been nominated

And now, the fun part...... here are 7 things about me.

1. I trip on music that makes my foot tap. And then i can be sitting in my office chair and dancing!! Ahun ahun ahun...

2. I think that fantasy and children stories have the most to teach us about life, honour, love and commitment. Wasn't Lord of the Rings written for children, and Harry Potter too....and they are simple things even for kids to understand. Why do we forget them along the way....
I havent been able to read a self help book in years...and even when i did, i cld never complete it. Sigh!

3. Sometimes i can chatter no (like right now, of course), and sometimes i dont have any words to share. But there are people i love having those wordless conversations with.....

4. I am glad i got married, coz it is so beautiful (and i am not talkin abt the ceremonies and pretty stuff u get to wear). Those who say - oh but our relationship is so perfect why spoil it with a marriage - to them i de say, u havent even started having a relationship yet!!!! Go try this one :)

5. Ice Creams - anytime, anyday, anywhere!!! As a kid i once refused to have one in the ice cream shop, and the shop was surprised such a kid exists!! Wish i cld go back and tell him - i too have come around. And if you are getting me some, make sure its chocolate. That would just be perfect!!

6. In my life right now there are a lot of changes on card, and not all that i'de be happy with. But i am ready....coz now i know till u dont get that kick u cant move ahead.

7. I thank all those people who love me, family AND friends coz i know they love me despite all my tantrums. It just makes me feel so much more special....

And now I pass on the bottle to Hyde, Bhaskar, Amit, Shub and Namrata. Hic!!
Cheers!

And so the bells toll....

2009-04-29T04:31:00.007+05:30

The test of marriage begins much before the actual wedding ceremony. It has begun for me. How much you will change, accept change, allow changes, be ready for changes – tests of it all begins right away. How strong will your faith be and how far will it go - is not spared either.

Coz marriage is not just a ceremony; it is a value system we put in place ourselves. And it is upto us to keep its integrity.

On a different note........... talking to somebody in my office today I referred to my fiancé as "my husband". I didn’t realize when I first did that, and when I became aware of it couldn’t go back to calling him the fiancé second time coz referential integrity had to be maintained. (yeah, cldnt help the joke)

Felt funny in a nice way though, “The Husband” !!!! And I wowed at how far we have managed to come over the years.

Touchwood.

Spin Offs

2009-04-27T18:50:00.002+05:30

The mind always needs some things to feed on....books, TV, internet, thoughts...
They r all the same, ways to distract. But sometimes it feels like that time alone, is the only time i have with myself. The only time, i am Me.

Crazy Monday speaking? well, i de say its a crazy life altogether....

From a Facebook Tag

2009-04-14T22:32:00.006+05:30

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.

(To do this, go to “notes” under tabs on your profile page, paste these instructions in the body of the note, type your 25 random things, tag 25 people (in the right hand corner of the app) then click publish.

---

I could write a thousand things, but when they set rules of a 10, 20, 50 the number scares me off. (Lets see if I make it to the end of this very list).

Ice creams – I don’t think I can live without them. And chocolates too.

Am a lil too particular about my morning cuppa tea – has to be the way I like it.

I de like to read and write a lot more than I do, just run out of patience for both.

I can, I do and I love to dance the night away.

I think only sad movies get Oscars and only sad novels get awards. (Have found a very few exceptions.)

I love to travel – my to see list of places practically comprises the entire globe. (Pity we haven’t gone far enough with intergalactic travel yet, would love to add planets and galaxies to that list too.)

I don’t always like traveling alone.

When I am in the plane, train, bus etc….I always have this funny urge to scribble and capture my thoughts. Thank god for e-tickets these days, the back of the printed page always comes n handy.

As a kid I wanted to be an astronaut once, and a dentist. Turned out to be none – yet.

I do intend to publish a book someday. And I think it will be short stories.

I almost always catch a cold in summers.

I get silly craving for all sorts of food and beverages at random hours of the day and night. All my past roomies can more than vouch for that.

I am too wired. I feel like a hermit in jungle without my laptop, cell phone or cable connection. I need to know what is happening in the world.

I have a shoe fetish. Guilty very guilty.

I often wonder - A few extra hours in the day would be great, once in a while.

I ve been sitting on this list for almost a month now, and my intention of completing is falling by the day. Sigh.

Sometimes I tune out….even in the most interesting conversations. Wandering mind huh!

Am definitely a cat person, have a collection on cute kitty pics too.

I am not a morning person. And it has worked well for me …till now.

I love English breakfast spreads though. No points for guessing I end up making to a very few of them.

Am very sensitive to mosquitoes. They have ruined many a nights and evening for me. Even when nobody around seems to be bothered, am somehow never spared the misery.

I put sticky notes everywhere….like the colorful look of theirs more that their actual use of being a reminder.

The part where the airplane zooms on the runway and then takes off, is my favorite :P

Am happy just to have completed this list. Will seriously not take up any more, ever!

Of Movies and Jalebi

2009-02-23T19:52:00.003+05:30

I prefer to watch movies soon after they come out – coz I like forming my opinion and not trust any critics or reviews. They have been pretty misleading in the past, and I make the most of the excitement and enthusiasm when its at its peak – that is the weekend when a movie comes out, as it dwindles with week, the story comes out, too many ppl making too many comments. So I don’t usually crib too if my judgment fails me.
Yes price of watching movies in a multiplex is steep, but the company of friends and popcorns do make up some for even the worst movies.

I liked Delhi-6, coz its light, simple and I liked the characters for their truthfulness and closeness to life.
It doesn’t deliver a great message, its not all that coherent too. In fact after the first half I wondered, what’s the story and where is it? Still I enjoyed the experiences of Delhi, a city I ve quietly come to like without even having lived there. I pass it only in transits, and have short but must stays as so many of my friends and loved ones are there.

Despite all that critics say, I think this movies too has its moments, unfortunately its not a sustained thing. Long time ago I had read this pieces in Reader's Digest, a survival story of the war in Bosnia-Herzegovina, the protagonists said that boys she went to school with till lately, who were friends once have suddenly the assailants, people she has to run and escape from. It's hard to not to empathize with similar emotions when the mithai shop gets ransacked in Delhi-6, and some drama unfolds.

And we all have emotional attachments and baggage. Karan Johar, Jhumpa Lahiri encash on the sentiments of Indian diaspora abroad. Similarly, I love movies that converse in local dialects of UP and Delhi, give a feel of life, food and characters there.
I like Bunty and Bubly for the same reason, Omkara for this and more and now Delhi 6 joins the list.
Go watch it, if you want to be tenderly reminded of the crunch juicy taste of jalebi back home.

The music of Delhi 6 is growing on me, and Genda Phool is a must listen.

Happy Valentine's Day

2009-02-13T06:29:00.003+05:30

My only message and my only though for this day and many more to come . . . Peace, Love and a touch of Humanity.

And a lovely post remembering love.

We the Bloggers

2009-02-03T20:08:00.010+05:30

Respect and a reputation take forever to build, and no time to lose.
It saddens me to say, one of my hitherto favorite TV personalities has seen a rather big dent in hers. And over something very silly, and thereby gigantic.

It almost came as a shock in my reader feed from Gaurav Sabnis and Desipundit a few days ago. (btw, I de recommend Ms.Barkha Dutt learn a thing or two from Desipundit about responsibility and cause) .
And I wasted no time before digging up all the links and reading all the thoughts posted, linked, and cross-linked. Since then I ve been closely following most opinions and observations. And finally Facebook discussion board that I chanced upon today.

If I could say something to her - I let her know that we may not be as loud and on TV, but we have a voice too. So learn to listen up.

Disappointed. And as a blogger appalled.

Ergonomic Ego

2009-02-02T19:53:00.006+05:30

A chance remark by a friend popped open a can of thoughts.

Ego is inevitable, and ego is healthy in an idealistic world - which we are far from living in. But then the lines are so fine, almost invisible we never realize when we over step them time and time again.
There are some clear demarcations, some people I wouldn't hold back my ego with, for a number of reasons – they have enough of their own, the nature of association requires it, maybe even demand it, etc etc. This group is not the one I am rather worried about . . .

The ones that need careful trudging are the ones closer to the heart. Ouch aren't they always the tricky ones! When do I let ego rear its head, if at all. Should I let it lead me on for awhile, how far, with who, and not with whom, such that it does not kill me.
There arent any pre-defined parametes I can take in account, no templates, no precedents help. Every time is a new churning, and hell new learning.

And they say day-to-day life is monotonous. More that enough tugs of war to handle on a boring monday too . . . .

The Promised Land

2009-01-28T16:57:00.002+05:30

Some day I will be free…

Of bondages of thoughts

Of emotions that sting my heart

Someday I will see

A sky of hope

Without any ugly clouds

Rearing their head every time

I aim for the sun

Someday I will know

What I believe in is true

Someday this flight will

Find rest . . . and peace.

**Pic courtesy Himanshu

Of things around

2009-01-27T21:24:00.003+05:30

Slumdog Millionaire --- Why so much hungama?
One theory I have is that some people just have to give an opinion for the sake of giving it. I think it’s a good movie, and undenyingly explores facets of Indian living - underdogs, slum dwellers whatever you call it - in a way a lot, opps all of the bollywood, chooses to consciously ignore. In that respect kudos to the movie.

And why the whole east-west controversy? Isn’t the story of Indian origin – by an Indian author. We all know, accept and revel in the fact that mainstream bollywood movie are unreal and senseless, and the resentment seems to be that why haven’t we got another helping of the same dish.

Of course no mai-ka-laal in India would the courage to make such a movie. Facts are stranger than fiction, and since we are reacting so outrageously to just a story, my only conclusion is that either we are miles away from the truth, or have turned a blind eye to it long long ago.

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Last week I read up a lot on Sanjay-Priya Dutt controversy. And quite interesting observations in the blogville too. Some rather extreme reactions too.

With all due respect, women who want to keep their surname should go ahead and do that, the only downside is that these days I see a lot of them doing so more out of a certain fashion trend, rather than any other more substantial reason.

Or is it just that it makes more economic sense. No need to change names in bank dealing, home loans, passports, work mails, orkut, facebook, so on and so forth . . . . . and hell why should you.You ve had it a certain way all your life, you like it, you keep it.

I am not married – so I haven’t faced the choice yet, but still I feel what defines me is more than just my name or surname for that matter.

I always wanted to carve a niche for myself, have my own identity, not just be so-and-so’s daughter or so-and-so’s wife. And I never renounced my dad’s name for that reason, so why would I renounce and that too so strongly my husband’s name?

Am all for keeping the maiden name, but I don’t understand the reasons that would make me less of a woman, less of a feminist, less of a human being if I don’t?

Sea of the Shore

2009-01-23T20:36:00.000+05:30

I don’t want to talk about boring things like patience and compromise – we all see more that enough of it in our daily days, and pay heavily when it falls short of its expected measures (which is 9 out of 10 times).

When you are stuck in a storm, how you respond then, is that your true nature? Or is that a time that brings out the worst of you. Or the best?

We all have our eccentricities, and what if perfectly normal you me is completely unnatural for you. How do we strike a balance, how do we fit the different pieces together, day after day and year after year. I guess that’s called living it up and surviving it out.

I wish I was a little different, a little more patient, a little more mature and all that. But then if I am wishing I de just wish for the stars . . . . :)

Have a great weekend.

Notes on Posts

2009-01-12T20:35:00.002+05:30

Being too quite is as much a reason to get suspicious as is being too talkative.
This blog's been very quite, was jus wondering :)

Lately my posts have sound more like notes than full blown posts. Sigh.

There's a chill in the air - and it is not just the weather.

Only yesterday I was telling a very dear friend the story of the Birbal Ki Khichadi.
Hope the faint beam of that distant lamp will help me too pass the night in cold waters.

HAPPY NEW YEAR

2009-01-01T20:32:00.004+05:30

May this year be everything you want it to be . . . . full of love, make you smile, not make you cry (though i really wonder how is that possible), peaceful, bubbling with dreams and realities better than dreams . . . . all you favorite food, and all the boring meals, late nights, hangovers, sunsets, sunrises, beaches , mountains, babes and duded . . . .

. . . just wish for it, and it will be. And it will be, perhaps better than you imagined or didn't even imagine at all . . .

Home Run

2008-12-23T00:52:00.002+05:30

In bed with my socks on, and the warm blanket. All that's missing is a mug of hot chocolate, and bedtime stories.
Ah why can’t I be a kid again !!

And, I am going home . . . . . . yes, AGAIN.

Chocoholic

2008-12-17T19:33:00.001+05:30

I came home late last night, and the first thing I did was open a new bag of Hershey's Bliss Dark Chocolate – and that was the best part of my day.

…and that’s all worth mentioning.

Goblins of my dream

2008-12-14T20:20:00.005+05:30

Have you watched Constantine ?

Imagine you are the in the place of Kenau Reeves/Rachel Weisz as per your like or dislike, without the superpowers bestowed in lieu of being the protagonist (or a major hollywood star) and having to live through ordeal similar to the storyline of the movie.

That's what i lived through for over 2 hours (almost the runtime of the movie) of broken and disturbed sleep - haunted sleep if i may say.
I woke up at various junctures to realize its just a dream after all, and tried to fall back asleep coz i was so tired, but it was if the movie paused and replayed from where i left it (gosh, and i dont even have a tata sky plus subscription). Tried all i could in that state of inhibited consciousness and excessive sleepiness, i couldn't seem to shake off the goblins crawling all over the place.

And no there wasn't a sexy and all powerful Keanu Reeves to get me out of my sleepy hell. (Which would have completely turned it around of being a nightmare in the first place)

Hidden meanings and interpretations there . . . . well could be.
But on the more obvious side, it had been a bad start of the day with a lingering eeriness all throughout. . . .

Sleep Sense

2008-12-12T03:42:00.002+05:30

Back in the days it used to be - close your eyes and go to sleep.
These days it is more like - close your laptop and go to sleep.

Wonder what the lullaby(s) and bed time stories will be like in days to come....

Food Sense

2008-12-10T03:00:00.007+05:30

Am not all that much of a perfectionist, but some thing i like done my way only . . . for me to like it.
For example my one cuppa tea is very important.

Not sayin other's dont get it right, but not the way i want it.
The only person who has ever come closed to meeting my crazy parameters ever is my sis - she's the only one who patiently (and sometimes not so patiently) bears my endless and not always very precise instructions on salt, sugar, oil, heat, slice, dice . . . . and so on.
God bless her for that coz am quite a lazy bum, and lazier still when she is around to pamper me with food!

She has already more than perfected my mayonnaise veg sandwich and pancakes.

And lately my scrambled egg noodles, and tomato cheese omelette - which i am sure i have the command over till i cook it once for my sis! Not only will she perfect the recipe, but also improvise on it further to make it even more delicious.

Sis, you are my only perfect copy, and even better.

Bits & Pieces Vol.14

2008-12-08T21:15:00.006+05:30

Dil Kabaddi was fun but only in pieces. What a good pool of actors and potential flick wasted. Every bit of Rahul Khanna though was . . . oh so delicious!! ;)

I chocked on popcorn though, and coughed through a good part of the film.

Have u ever noticed, coughing in a quite room/hall is almost like an epidemic. Everyone takes a cue and wanted to clear their throat all at once.

Annoying and hilarious at the same time.
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The Galleria @ Leela Bangalore could easily become a favorite hangout. It has all that one can ask for an evening to unwind. My favorite though is to sit in Barista (Lavazza Now) have a tea/coffee/cooler depending on my mood and the weather and listen to the piano as along as possible. The sound of piano is by far one of the most soothing sounds I ve encountered in my life yet.

There's also Cha Bar, the Oxford Bookstore for conversation, variety etc, and the bowling alley and sports bar for something more vigorous and strong!

I ll sure be spending a lot more weekends there . . .
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If I wear white, I have to spill something over it – and not just "something" something, but something with haldi (turmeric) in it. And then I go jumping around looking for talcum powder, (its supposed to absorb the oil and the stain comes off in next wash).

If you have a better idea let me know . . . .
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Am not too happy with the Dec month right now. Its long, its cold, it has vacations when i don't have plans to meet. And it makes me crib - and nobody wants to listen to complaints.

My BESTEST friends have given up on me saying I crib too much. Doesn't make me feel too good though; if you guys also turn away, I ll have only my pillow to cry into.

The only good thing about the pillow is I don't have to use words with it - it quietly and patiently is always there to absorb my tears.

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Every time I am moving or arranging stuff around the house, I am bound to get hurt or scratched. My trophies of hard work which mostly goes unnoticed or unacknowledged. Last month i cleaned up the house for 3 hours 3 days in a row. Now i wonder why i did it.

Why do i pay so much attention to details, when the big picture is screwed up anyway.

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Its funny I havent put this up on the blog before, but this wedding season has been exceptionally bad for me . . .

I ve been receiving a bit too many wedding invites at least two every week, and there are weeks when I get one each day. Get a life people i would like to say - but i am sure that's what they want to tell me back.

All about the perspective . . . .

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I need the mp3 for following songs, if anybody has it, please send them to me....

L'Appuntamento - Ornella Vanoni
~~Uthale Ya Phenk De - Dil Kabaddi~~
Rise Up - Yves Larock (no remixes please)

And since we are at it, no harm adding to the wishlist - there was this ad for a certain brand of diamonds, starring Rahul Khanna and Sushma Reddy (it was her only i think), where he closes the blinds while she sleep and pushes a strand of hair back while she is painting . . . yeah i know stuff like that happens only in diamond ads (liars and cheats) but i want it nevertheless.

Thanks!! :)

Signs

2008-12-02T19:17:00.005+05:30

I do want to believe in them, but often I ve been rather dumb or ignorant to recognize or understand them. So the gods up there decided to really simplify it for me . . . .

That's what uncle moon looked like on Dec 1st, 08. Pic is taken from my Canon PowerShot SD770 - by a self proclaimed "jack of all trades".

Am not sure if they were planets or airplanes, but they were positioned at such perfect(ish) angles, without moving, and even the moon chose to wane (or was it waxing) in a certain fashion and direction . . . . . so as to make it all come together beautifully.

Smile – it seemed to say. SMILE, we all needed it. Smile, helped me get through.

Thanks, you guys/gals up there :)

P.S. They were planets after all - epaper reports.

Pink Letter Day

2008-11-03T22:39:00.003+05:30

I like to wear pink on my birthday, and guess what, so does my granny, who is way more than thrice my age !!!!

Well, I suppose, in some respects girls will always be girls.

Happy Birthday Nani.

शुभ दीपावली

2008-10-27T22:43:00.005+05:30

आने वाला वर्ष आप सब के लिए सुखदायक एवं मंगलमय हो।

ये दीपों की अवली आपके जीवन के हर स्वरुप को प्रज्वलित करे........

जब दीप जले आना , जब शाम ढले आना.....
संकेत मिलन का भूल ना जाना, मेरा प्यार ना बिसराना

False Promises

2008-10-21T21:10:00.003+05:30

They say it, over and over again, and you believe it, because you so desperately want to believe. That seems to be the only silver lining on the grey clouds covering your life today.
Sometimes in your moments alone, you wonder though, you question yourself, but they promised, of course they promised, they must have meant it, else why would they say it.

They ‘ve kept their promises in the past, or you have conveniently forgotten the ones they did not. So you only have good precedence to fall back on.

Tried gambling? It goes the same way, you start by winning and the promise of bigger win.

You believe, you try to believe, you want to believe . . . . . .

Alas, gods too have feet of clay, and they too belie promises.

A Chance Encounter

2008-10-05T00:51:00.005+05:30

I wrote this passage more than three years ago!!! Unbelievable.

Today when I chanced upon it, it amazed me, as if it was someone else who wrote that. First of all coz I could not believe it to be so beautifully written, I don't consider myself a very expressive writer. And secondly coz I haven't been expressing much lately.

Keep it all inside is not a good thing, and even though I try not to bottle things up, a lot of it goes unsaid and undone - coz of reasons which will not be there forever, but are beyond my control right now.

When I read the aforementioned passage (to follow below) my first thought were maybe this is how my mom had felt when she read my first poem way back in school, actually it was more of a small verse really, that I wrote on a mother's day card I had hand painted.

When I read this passage, I couldn't believe that my little girl - me - had so many emotions in her, and that she could put it in words so wonderfully.

And that she has come a long way since.

Anyway, here's how it goes . . . . .

10/July/2005 12:15 PM

It is not great to live life alone, without someone to walk beside all the way. It feels like a walk in the mystery word, with sprinkles of moonlight and patches of lush growth that block out that moonlight.

People join at twists and turns, and then leave at next ones. Sometimes they share a walk in the moonlight, sometimes they help ease a scary patch.

Yet I live in uncertainty.

What will be next? Which turn? Who will I meet? Will I meet anybody at all? When will this by-walker, take a by-lane and disappear. And I wont even have the powers to stop them?

Not because they wont stop, but because that is not what my heart would urge me to do. Coz no matter who they are, they are not the one I seek to walk with the way through.

They are moonlight, they aren't the sunshine.

Starshine

2008-10-03T01:01:00.003+05:30

Stars can only show you the way so far . . . . eventually its you who has to walk it through.

Often there come times in life when you wish things would just roll and you wouldn't have to do anything, say anything or take a stand - when you know the only thing that will make a difference if your own action only.

Don't give to much power to the road there, what matters is, how you walk it.

Sometimes I act, sometimes I sit through those times - and miserable so, sometimes I pray for a miracle, and to be honest I get some too. Over the last year or so, life has been an interesting series of trials and redemptions. And I ve grown up a little . . . . pretty subtly though.

For one I believe, I ve learnt some thing about patience, used to be one of my weaker subjects. And lately I ve been working on forgiveness - its so much harder, but I ll get a hang of it.

Love, patience, trust, forgiveness - I don't need them to deal with the whole wide world, instead I need them to deal with my own heart, and those closest to it.

Heart of the Matter

2008-09-26T22:42:00.004+05:30

"You can also talk to me about your problems."

"What if you are the problem?"

"Even then. Before everything else we were friends once. Weren't we?"

"Yes we were."

"So I am still there for u - as a friend."

No matter how much water passes over, some things stay. . . . and thank god for that.

An Open Secret

2008-09-12T19:31:00.003+05:30

I have talked to a few of you about it, some have loved it, some have been cynical, and some have written it off without even knowing. To each his/her own . . . . . but I believe in BELIEVING.

We - most of us - believe in God don't we, so why is it harder to believe in ourselves. I would at least recommend a read, digest as much as your system may allow.

Living, Loving and Making Memories

2008-09-10T21:00:00.002+05:30

I am not writing - I am living. It is so full and fulfilling right now, I don't have anything to crib about :P

This blog is definitely not a complaint box, but right now I am not in the thinking mode. This happens to me often in other contexts as well too.

There are times when I am visiting new places . . . . . am so busy seeing and observing everything, I don't have time to stop and take pictures, or pose for them. I need to have an unobstructed vision, and even the lenses of a camera seems to spoil it for me.

How do u make memories some ask, well it's all in my head I say. Its so full of experiences, and memories and every small little detail . . . . . could fill hard disks after hard disks with all that information. But I do not want to keep it on external storage, they start collecting dust there.

I just keep it on a forever moving sideshow mode, images after images, details after details, experience after experience . . . . at my command in an instant.

What will I do years down the line, when spaces in life become much more crowded and demands on time way higher . . . . . oh well that will be another day !!

Anyway I am not the one who plans so far ahead :)

Bits & Pieces Vol.13

2008-08-19T02:41:00.002+05:30

The first thought that came to my head when I turned on the TV to hear Mr.Musharraff leave office was - what goes around come around.
And of course the Justin Timberlake song started humming in the head somewhere after that . . . and yes JT himself followed too. ;)

And the other significant thought popping up was something my very good friend Shikha had once said (in a totally different context) - it doesn't matter how rich or successful you may become; you will be not be happy if you are lonely there.

Am sure Mr.Musharaff isn't all that lonely, the military gave him quite a farewell, and he may have his family too, but he is certainly being labeled as "friendless" in the news channels.

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No offences to anybody, but men with long hair give me creeps.

I like quite a few baldies, but i am trying very hard to place even one guy with long hair who did not give me that not so pleasant feeling.

Its only John Abraham's prerogative, or u gotta be a real rock star with certain panache to carry it off . . . . most regular Joes one runs into are so no it.

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The koel is happily alive and kicking in the crows family till it opens its mouth. Looks like I am in a brickbat mood today, but I though Javed Akhtar was a respectable man till I saw him in some of those music and acting shows, being a judge. And I just mention one name here . . . . the whole clan of those judged is what I am referring to.

Now you may say that I am posting this too late - kindly refer to the post below.

I believe when a judge is given a position and power over decision, a certain decorum and responsibility is expected of them. But most of the judges in most of the recent shows seem to run a parallel drama company of their own which I find totally disgusting.

Btw, I had read Amir Khan's famously controversial post too, and like they say a grain of rice is all you need to check when checking a pot of rice being cooked, he lost all my respect too.

The only show that I believe keeps the spirit and dignity of competition alive is Boogy Woogy. Years and years of being on air, and watching, I haven't once seen or heard Javed Jaffery, Naved and Ravi be rude or un-encouraging to any participant, even the ones going out.

That maybe is one of the reasons why they have been running successfully for so long.

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Since we are at Indian Television today - let me say a few words to the folks masterminding MTV India programmes. Oh, and rest assured its not praises I am gonna load them with.

Be it the Roadies series, or the Splitsvilla, (or whtever else I am forgetting to mention here) its not entertainment. Its sick, sad, sleazy and oh so tasteless.

I wonder does being a TV show anchor (since that's the reward winner gets) requires you to be great at playing mind games, bitching around and being plain slutty.

Oh I forgot its the modern urban sensibility. . . . . or is it really.

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And if anybody is wondering why am I so anti TV today - it's coz due to rains and a few other circumstances, I spent a considerable amount of time flickering through the idiot box this looong weekend, and it evidently left a very bad taste in the mouth

Lost in Translation

2008-08-16T15:16:00.001+05:30

Thoughts float around in my head . . . . . . all the time. And there are times when some do feel like threads interesting enough to develop, and write about. And then suddenly something sweeps it out so completely, that I can't even remotely recall what was it i was planning to write about. Like just now.

I wouldn't call it a writer's block, its more of a scattered brain syndrome. In the process here are some of the things I missed doing on this blog this month . . .

- write a post wishing a very dear friend Happy Birthday . . . . . coz that person is so special.

- wish all my friends a very Happy Friendship Day. . . . . ve made so many friends for life through this blog.

- write accolades of the play "Love Letters" and it's actors Rajit Kapoor and Shehnaz Patel for their amazing performance.

- write the customary happy budday post . . . . . with an irresistible picture of cake.

- attempt a travelogue of my recent Hong Kong trip, which was awesome and a very proud achievement.

- rant in general about life, food, love, desserts, friends, work, god, life, books, facebook, cars, stars and life mostly.

It's not been boring nor it's been hectic. . . . . . been a lot of feeling, mayb too much to put down in words lately.

P.S. only solace - i ve been writing a lot of emails though, and some of u will agree to that :P

सैय्याँ...

2008-07-22T05:21:00.000+05:30

Showtime

2008-06-30T06:34:00.003+05:30

Caught an interesting play this weekend, and incidentally my first, after four years of deliberation . . . .phew!!

I ve believed, and for some time now that our generation is one of the most confused yet (as am sure everybody in their respective generations believe), and hence maybe in one of the most interesting places and time (yet again a presumptions likely to to had by most as a mark of loyalty to their times).

'DOUBLES, TRIPLES AND QUADRUPLES - Nobody Stays Single!' is about now. And about us . . . . well most of it.

As the team liked to put it, and I de say aptly so, it's as good as a glass of wine, bringing with it a plethora of tastes, some of which you may like, some not entirely, a little bit of soil and weather from each entity that has become a part of it . . . . and eventually leaving, well, an interesting taste in the mouth.

Who said wine's all that smooth, but then it is often worth just the experience.

In the interest of those interested, they are playing again on 5 of July @ Chowdiah. For more details click here.

Baby Steps

2008-06-24T15:23:00.005+05:30

What do u get a three month old baby girl, that is not pink, fluffy or made of wool? It's gotta be some out-of-the-box thinking, hard to forget and miss. Oh! and it ought to be something USEFUL.

think

think

think harder ....

??

???

...okie, u can scroll down to read My answer :P

A Big basket of KFC chicken!!!

The baby might be too young to notice, but her parents will sure remember me for quite some time to come.

In fact it occurred to me, she might grow up and know me as the only aunty who got her KFC chicken, and not some silly pink sock. Well a gal's gotta eat, and she can start young. Practical lesson early on !! Though it's a different story that right now she prefers Cerelac to fried chicken.

(When it came to food, her mother and I used to be partners in crime, sneaking out of office at all hours to have a stomach full, so I figured - like mother like daughter.)

I had a great laugh and a great meal too.

Miracles Today

2008-06-22T22:52:00.005+05:30

Kids believe in miracles . . . . and that is why they do find miracles around them.

But as these kids grow up, they stop finding miracles around them, sometimes because they stop believing in them, but more often because they are so busy looking for "the" miracle that they wished for in their lives, they stop noticing the other subtler and often more beautiful ones happening all around . . . . all the time.

Trends of the Season

2008-06-21T03:28:00.002+05:30

Quite a few of them live their lives like that - enveloped in layers of facades, never showing or sharing their true feeling with their friends and close ones. Convenient I say, and more so for the people they deal with. I may know what you are, but since you deny it yourself, I ve much less burden to stay here and put up with that side of you.

Great arrangement for a sunny day. But I just know from well living a few years of life, that sun doesn't shine too long ever, without scorching, nor can rain be kept at bay forever. Maybe my express-all way of life is not highly rated, I want to see what will happen to your hide-all (or highly compartmentalised) facade, when the clouds come out. Will you rise up to the occasion, or will those friends of yours summon courage enough to let know when enough is enough.

Pretences of a lifetime are not easily broken, so even if I do live in a more uncomfortable world of bare truth and somewhat brutal honesty, I know when I need them my friends will be there in all sincerity and strength, because I have not created walls and blocked out people, I believe in opinions of those who wish me well and welcome it, in fact seek it when I know I need it.

Because they are just not just fair weather friends.

What difference will a title make?

2008-06-19T01:27:00.004+05:30

Delays are built into the journey, yet the nature of traveler is but to trudge on.
And with every delay the impatience to get to the destination increases, and so do the blunders one makes and created new delays in the process.

Somebody mentioned a Catch 22 situation !

Btw moi recently back from a vacation, and the hangover doesn't seem to get over. I ve never been homesick, am just sick of some situations. And the more I hate them, the more they persist.

Catch bloody 22.

I ve become very sarcastic lately, and tune out more often than I though myself capable of. And cant expect things to turn back to normal, till I turn back to normal, which wont happen till I am in a normal place amidst normal thing.

Catch 22.

I keep my Faith, and I believe in my God, but I don't understand why do those things have to be tested? Why did u put it in my head, if you had to drive me to a point where I would worry about stop believing in it?

Over and out.

Love in the times of Movies

2008-05-24T20:40:00.003+05:30

Movies and the movie going experience - they are an important aspect of our lives, and a very important aspect of lives when you are dating, more so in the early days of the relationship, but nevertheless there all the time.

Thanks to all the multiplexes, it's a much improved experience. And you will notice the difference only when you revisit a non-multiplex after a long time and realise that no matter what you do, half the front screen will definitely be covered by the head of the person sitting right in front of you.

In such situations it definitely does not help that the movie is a little boring, very confusing and never ending. It might help though that its mushy romantic, and you can lean over to that special someone's side on the pretext of getting a better view, even if at the end of three and a half hours, you have a slight back-ache. Oh! The prices we pay for love!!!

All that is still fine - what is really wicked is that when you are on the "date-movie" you will always end up running into people you know, and more often than not they will end up occupying the seats right next to you. You will run into friends, family friends, colleagues, relatives, distant relatives - all of who will magically conjure right next to you. And don't even get me started of what percentage of the total population in the audience for that particular show for that particular movie will seem or BE familiar to you.

If you have not had that you ve been an absolute aberration from the norm I tell you - so you are either exceptionally blessed or really cursed; but the statistical studies have proven that more than ninety percent of the times - when you want to go unseen and unheard, you will be spotted by people you know, and talked about and maybe even questioned about at a later date.

Oh yeah, and for all you well-connected-via-cell phone people: remember your mom, dad, granddad, great grandmother and all the likes, will definitely call you in the middle of that one movies, and even if they don't generally ask you , NOW this one question will surely come - 'Who are you with?'

So either make sure you call all your relatives before the movie, or have a very convincing blatant lie ready at all times. And gals, there is a hell of a higher probability of it afflicting you than your guys. Yeah Mr.Murphy also discriminates against the fairer sex.

It all sounds funny and makes a great blog post at a later date - but it's one hell of an experience to go through. And even though this post has been inspired by a friend's recent sojourn in the aforementioned tricky territory . . . . . . am sure all you readers will agree that each of the incidents mentioned are quite inspired by the real life, and any resemblance to any person alive and kicking is so damn intentional.

Stories and Illusions

2008-04-27T08:55:00.004+05:30

Just finished reading The Palace of Illussions - by Chitra Banarjee Divakaruni.
I was just walking thought the bookstore, and randomly picked it up. I like to read, but its not often I buy hardbacks. Lately Ive started to indulge myself in the luxury - first with Jhumpa Lahiri’s Unaccustomed Earth and now this one.
I am not the one for writing reviews, for me a book, a story if a far more personal experience. So I will just put down a few words : my personal take on the book.
What I liked about the book was the facet it gave to the whole story, being from a woman's perspective . . . . .the subtleties and details that matter to them, far different from those that are quoted and appeal to a traditional perspective - usually male.
I haven't before heard women empathise with the female characters of Mahabharata, not that I have been delving into the study of scriptures and heavy books hence. But when we talk about it at homes, refer to incidents and stories told by elders, the underline is only on the moral, the message, who did what right and who did what wrong. Nobody delves into the motives, the histories and other fineries of human nature. Agreed, they are too complicated , lengthy and tedious to be taken up in the course of a day or a few minutes. Yet women are never shown much sympathy, even by other women. (And that's another discussion for another day)
After my school days it was often that I had wanted to go back to reading those big books, because I was sure at some level that there is much more to them that had caught my eye as a child in the abridged course book, and glossy epic Sunday TV must watch.
Coming back to the book I enjoyed simple things in the narrative . . . . . starting from how Krishan's one simple comment changed Draupadi's entire perspective towards her own self , when she grows up she begins to learn that despite all the drums of equality men and women wield power differently - with which she realises her powers and learns to use them to suite herself. She also learns some hard lessons, that despite having five husbands (like any other woman with just one) she too cannot depend on them to avenge her honour who seek fame and dharma beyond emotions of love and devotion that drive women, and have driven them in all ages and times.
She learns to be manipulative as a survival instinct and does a great job of it. Her character is not built out as perfect, nor does she hold any qualms for not being one.
Am not sure if the story of Karna's affections are true, or correct as per the original text, but at some places I thought it was a card little overplayed. Besides it was not a very comfortable angles for me.
I enjoyed the reading the book for being a little more honest account as that of an active participant's rather than that of a passive judgmental narrator’s, less strained in the seeps of good-bad, right-wrong, as scriptures traditionally are, and because even after innumerable number of years, the story of Mahabharata is so fascinatingly gripping.

---------

And since we are at it, I ll take it a tad too far. . .
Unaccustomed Earth, was fascinating in its own way, dark, more heart wrenching though. I would have preferred the shorter stories of Interpreter of Maladies any day better with a little more sunlight, but if such is life, lets face it in all its dark and saddening form - for once doing away with the blanket of joviality we always pull over.
Maybe not every cloud has a silver lining, some are just doomed, gloomy dark clouds full of rain. It left me a little depressed, a little less excited, disappointed too maybe - because fiction is not supposed to be so faithfully gloomy, dejected and hopeless.
Life serves more that enough portions of it any day.

Buoyancy

2008-04-25T04:48:00.009+05:30

Am an incorrigible optimist . . . . no matter how thick the clouds, the sun just penetrates through somehow. No life turning event, no new delivery of a silver lining . . . . . but my stupid heart refuses to drown itself in gloom.

Like a big red balloon (heart shaped of course) filled with air, that you may try to submerge in the tub of water. It just refuses to go under and stay there . . . .
I feel silly, as if drunk on air . . . . . I was smiling so wild at work today over nothing, that I thought it best to pack my bags and run home before some poor lonely soul gets an impression that I fancy them, and make a sincerely pathetic effort to come over and flirt. Gosh !!! I even smiled at that arch jackass I only save my glummest face for.

It's inexplicable (and a bit scary too), as if somebody gave me an extra shot of red bull, when I was already high on caffeine and a bright morning after full night's rest.Is this what they call a Miracle - the miracle of human nature. The will that just won’t go away, no matter how much I will !!

So if The Will has a Free Will of its own . . . . what am I ? It's guinea pig?

And that too is a mouse !!

What a crazy upsidedown day!

Not so merry go-around

2008-04-21T22:37:00.002+05:30

I have lost the will to write . . . .
I guess its time for a summer vacation. Too much monotony has set in, too many circles, interconnected, and never ending. Too many people, too many connections, too many opinions, too many arguments . . .

Flow of thoughts comes when thoughts are allowed to flow freely . . . . I on the other hand feel stranded. Tied up. Too tied up.
And whom do I look to for help; everybody is looking at somebody else.

I only look up.
Cosmic games - I don't trust mortals with it anymore.

Sunday Sentiments

2008-03-30T19:29:00.004+05:30

My Mom and I have a ritual of sorts . . . . . (almost) every Sunday she reads out the quotations printed in her TOI (Times of India) to me, and we compare the differences between the Delhi and Bangalore editions of the same newspaper . . . .

Well one reason for that is she is an avid reader and likes to share, and even when I am not so interested in hearing, it always is worth the while. And the other most important reason is that she gets up before me on ALL Sundays.

Sometimes though, I too get up in time, and have the TOI with me, and that's when we read it out aloud to each other. (Didn't I mention over the phone!!)

It is a very cute part of my day, I feel so connected to her, sharing the same things, just the way we used to when I was staying home, and reading out pieces animatedly that we know would interest the other person. Then there are things that we miss out on being reading different editions, and that's when we fill each other up on it. No prizes for guessing that she always has more to share, me being lazy and sometimes just skimming through the newspaper.

Back home too, when she wanted me to take special notice of an article or some lines, she would put a small note on it or underline some lines. She likes to say it's a habit, but I know it's also a smart and subtle way of telling me that "You better not miss out on this".

And like I said some days, the advertisements eat up space in my paper, and that's when she ensures that I do not miss out on anything that I should not miss out on . . . . Often telling me just the things that I need to hear.

This is from today's Delhi edition
If you ever want to see a rainbow you have got to stand a little rain.
- Chad Phillip

Love you Maa, dunno what I would have done without you.

Afterthought

2008-03-29T01:33:00.002+05:30

Google Reader has killed the comment culture . . . for me at least. I always found it difficult to comment, because one does not always have something to say. Sometimes I just listen, and let it be . . . . flow by, or seep in . . . . .but words are not always necessary.

But then reader is necessary too . . . . there are so many blogs to read, and keep track of. It has made life a lot easier, every morning I know which of my fav ppl have put out new stuff to read. I can prioritize and read, never forget a url, never miss a post from those i do not want to . . .

Oh wht the hell, it suits me . . . . even if gets a lil quite around here. I am not too talkative anyways (stop raising those eyebrows), I just let things be. And sometimes it is necessary to stay silent - lest I blurt something out ;)

Get Rich or Die Trying

2008-03-26T23:41:00.002+05:30

If I sit and start counting the things in life that are "not fair" it can take me more than a night . . .
Yet, the reasons I know I would not do such a wasteful exercise are - firstly I know enlisting them will not get me an inch closer to setting them right; in fact nothing ever will. Its only a time's play. Secondly, I know all of it will cease to matter when I find that one key, combination, catalyst that will set it all right.

Yes, I am incorrigible in my beliefs that it can be and will be set right. And if I am wrong, maybe I am on the road that will teach me otherwise, and then it wont matter as well, coz I ll not expect it to be all right.
Life does not give you a choice sometimes, and at other times its choice are ones you would never choose; like I de not quit . . . just yet.

The Truth About Cats and Dogs

2008-03-19T14:29:00.003+05:30

So I was reading this article that says, how most species do not recognise the concept of fidelity, and how it is not a natural thing for any specie including the human being. And I ve heard such arguments countless times before (mostly when people want to justify their own infidel behaviours).

Well, sure, it's not natural. Even human being don't just have a natural instinct to stay faithful -but then the social structure is such that they condition themselves into it, make constant efforts to get there. And it would be wrong to condemn everything that goes as a "social" norm - which often people take up as a practice.

The coin had two side, so does the societal conditioning. Depending upon what society you are born in , and what values you are brought up with you develop a belief system, and I think it is not justified for anybody to condemn it with the comment that this is against nature.

Let me take the example of the lions - the kings of the jungle, the wild. When a new male appears on the horizon, he challenges the existing male of the lion family for the possession of the female lioness (I wanted to say affection initially – but then come on, who are we kidding). So they fight a bloody battle . . . till one of them is killed. Let's say our old head of the family is killed and a new lion is reinstated as the king. Among the first things he does, besides fertilizing the lioness is the fact that he hunts down every cub of the previous king, and kills it. And the lioness, can do nothing, but watch or maybe turn a blind eye.

Maternal instincts are natural aren't they? So how does she let this happen? Or how helpless she might be to let something like this happen?

And this behaviour may not be entirely unheard of - the history is replete with incidents bordering the barbarism of untamed lions, and power tussles just as gory as the one above.

And that's why I feel, society is not such a bad thing. It has in it a collective consciousness of generations, which we are quick to overlook when the ways of the world do not suite our bidding. Yet we all live in it, and survive within its dominion, so maybe deep in our hearts we all know how imperative it is to our survival.

Ours is supposed to be a generation that is unable to grasp or rather truly appreciate the concept of marriage. We are more whimsical and accustomed to getting most our whims satisfied. We are in a time where everything comes easy, so we believe - why work hard for anything at all. Alright, so u do not do the hard work, you do not fight the "natural instincts"– but then don't crib that your emotional life is a hell, and your escapades with the opposite sex meaningless.

And please don't say that the society should change its way of thinking and that polygamy or whatever should be an accepted norm. It will bring in a lot of other natural instincts into direct conflict, and you don't want to get there.

To sum it all up, we are often quick to jump to conclusions that society is bad, the conditioning is bad, and the mind blocks are unfair. But take a moment and think - what if we weren't the civilised race, what if we too just lived by nature and instincts all the time, what if all we had to worry about was food and survival every moment . . .

And, I can't help recalling this episode from FRIENDS (yeah yeah I am all fixated with it) where Monica tells Chandler that she does not believe in soul mates, but she does believe in the fact that they are two individuals who love each other and work hard at their marriage – some days work really hard.

:)

Faith

2008-03-10T14:12:00.004+05:30

This may not be the most original or thoughts, but it is for those who need it, like I - coz in life we do not go around discovering new things every day. Sometimes we just need to re-discover or re-visit that we once or always believed in, yet have forgotten to dust off lately . . .

I ve always believed in "The Alchemist". There are a lot of ppl out there who de call it cheesy or breezy or something of the sort. They can stop reading at this point . . .

"What you still need to now is this: before a dream is realised, the Soul of the World tests everything that was learned along the way. It does this not because it is evil, but so that we can, in addition to realising our dreams, master the lessons we've learned, as we've moved toward that dream. That's the point at which most people give up. It's the point at which as we say, in the language of the desert, one 'dies of thirst just when the palm trees have appeared on the horizon'.

Every search begins with beginner's luck. And every search ends with the victor's being severely tested.

The boy remembered an old proverb from his country. It said that the darkest hour of the night came just before the dawn."

Believe it or not, world is not evil. Life will throw challenges every now and then, but then those r the experiences that make us who we are. Often we look back and are proud of the way we did things, without realizing that today maybe another such day, where you need to take a stand, mark a milestone in your own life, do something you will look back on with pride tomorrow.

And that's also the beauty of it.

Share the light

2008-02-22T03:13:00.010+05:30

Showing you a way
Makes me remember my own path
Thoughts that had gathered dust
Last few days of gloomy sky
Beliefs that set me out in the sea
Find them still strong.
I can not only bet my soul on it
Can dare show you the star too.

Like a mirror,
Showing me my light,
And taking it to newer, unexplored
Corners of the universe …
You are my reflection
And my guiding light.

Can't Buy Me Looove

2008-02-12T16:57:00.000+05:30

There's an overdose of red and chocolate in the air. The media and commercial spaces have just gone crazy with it. The TV, Radio, shopping malls and newspapers - it's just about everywhere.
The red hearts, the chocolates, the bunnies, the roses , and diamonds - somebody gimme a break from the hoopla of St. Valentine's Day.

I don't scorn the idea of love, or expressing and sharing it, but in all this glitz the real love is a little lost, and bright jazz is all that seems to thrive. It maybe feel "cool" to be doing all those nicey mushy things - bust just imagine the pressure to perform on such days! And it ain't any friend of your pocket either.

I cant go wrong - it's the Valentine's day. Poor lovers - they have to make a statement more to the world, rather than have a cozy word for each other.
"So what are you doing on the V Day?" is another question they have to dodge all the time. And imagine the "Ohs" and "Ahs" if somebody falls a little short!

I could have a terrible day's work (how many software enggs can reschedule that darn important customer call at 8AM PST - which 9:30 PM IST btw), or have a serious stomach cramp (oh am sorry, my monthly cycle didn't take into account the facet that there ll be a valentine's day) - and you get to hear at least one of these - "Oh so sad, you had a terrible V day" Or - "What! He didn't have time to meet you on THE V Day".

As if at least one party would not have been upset already with any of the above fiascos, there ll be a bunch of thousands to sigh and fuel the fire at the moment.

And then there's a whole bunch of those who are single - this is the day when we will wipe them off the face of earth! "Aww, you don't have a valentine" or "C'mon, get a gal" or worst still "So who are you gonna ask out for the V Day". These poor people have even higher performance pressures.

To sum it up - all I am saying is, it is a great idea, but the way we are implementing and executing it - is horrendous.

A friend said and beautifully so -
"Well, the way I look at it is that V Day is a day , just another day , but then a day when you make your love feel nice . . . . and not that you don't the other . . . . even just a flower, but given with real meaning can beat a whole load of goodies, or just a hug can replace a huge bunch of roses . . ."

Perfect, I de love a V day like that - but this coated in sugary chocolate, dipped in rose syrup, and adored with pinky bunnies ad sprinkled with diamonds day - is so not for me.

Hope you survive the day. :)
And this is how The Beatles say - Can's buy me love

P.S. A word for - Indian Culture Enthusiasts who will be special guests of honor that day - get a life!

Conflict of Interest

2008-02-01T06:10:00.000+05:30

I prepare myself for the worst . . . yet hope otherwise.

Self-Doubt

2008-01-24T01:16:00.000+05:30

That’s what the Heart does…

It sets Itself on something,
Then makes me ache for it.
Lose sleep ‘n sanity over It’s whims
And travel the world in search.

When I’m about to get there
After bracing all odd of odds
It turns and sits and wonders
Drowning Itself in doubt
Flooding me with wrath.

It expects me to have answers
A thing I thought, (and they told me) –
It was meant to do for me.
“This is what I think I want,
But are you sure about it?”
If only I knew, or could find out somehow,
But there wont be a way easy...

Such times I only wish, and desperately so,
To rip It out and throw for once away.

Bits & Pieces Vol. 12

2008-01-22T10:19:00.000+05:30

I don't hate my job, but I want to be busier. Wow, am I not every manager's dream come true.
Its just that at this age and time in my life, I feel I can give a lot of time to my career, and I want to. I want to work fifteen hours a day at least, and even only dream of work.

And I know, this wish has an uncanny knack of coming true, but that will most likely be at a time, when I would want to take a break, or devote time to other stuff.

Sometimes, I wonder, why the hell do I bother....
---------------------------------------------

I ve been dreaming of Pancakes!!!
A nice and soft plate of pancakes, with banana and strawberry jam....oh just thinking about it makes my mouth water. Guess I am sounding like the proper phoren return. But really - and this may coz i was there for a very short time - I ve absolutely no problem with the "American food". Really Indians do make a big deal out of desi food and taste.

I have no idea if they serve Pancakes anywhere here in Bangalore.
If anybody knows of a place out here, please be kind enough to let me know....
---------------------------------------------

FRIENDS is the only thing that makes me smiles. And I ve begun to realize the one trait that all the characters in the show share, and which makes them so adorable is the honesty they have.
No wonder they seem so real, yet unattainable in real life - coz in real life we are everything but honest, with ourselves, with our friends.
---------------------------------------------

Its a bad time of the year for those in relationships. This is no astro prophesy - just that too many people I know, are having too many problems in their love lives. In fact right now, I am trying hard to think of somebody whoz happy ........ without much luck.
Its kinda unsettling and just a lot of negatives vibrations in the air around me. Hope this passes with some moon phase or any other celestial body somewhere in the galaxy.
---------------------------------------------

And I just broke my spectacles....

I ve been thinking of getting a new frame for sometimes, and looks like my specks sensed my thoughts !!
And this has happened before - when I wanted to buy a new cellphone, the old one committed suicide in water. When I wanted a new bag, the old one just just accumulated too many scratches...
Looks like my non-living possessions have a mind of their own , and they somehow manage to read mine too.

Blogging on Blogging

2008-01-20T03:23:00.000+05:30

So,they decided to sit up and take notice.
NDTV did an episode exploring blogging, and ironic or lucky it was one of my fav shows - We The People (and to be a hundred percent honest I watch it more for Barkha Dutt than the debates sometimes).
HERE is the link for all those of you who may have missed it or would like to revisit.

And suddenly it had the blogger in me awakened, which anyways goes for regular naps pretty irregularly.

To me the whole world of whirlwind thoughts is so exhilarating. And for people who like the dynamism and surprises in life - and have the courage to HANDLE it, blogsville sure is a place to be.

In fact just a couple of days ago I dived into my archives (another of my regular activities) and brought out, read and shared posts which I am rather proud of. Well, most of them had a pretty feminist's tone to it, but what the hell, that's one issue that gets me going so be it. I like to read write about it, it concerns me, and gets me thinking.
And this is the part that I liked best from the debate (on that link) - that this space and medium is about choice; so why should we put up with all the melodrama and endless discussions rather than just exercise our choice.

And whats so bad in expression anyway?
The same people who would applaud the (not so new anymore) Airtel adv., which essentially says that we can break all barriers if we talk (read express or connect), may not be able to expand the context of the idea and apply it to issues that bloggers often talk about - morality, sexuality and society.
Because when you are really down to the business of bringing down walls, well, not all of them may be simple and pretty, and some of them may have a lot of moss and dirt lurching on and around them.
So, does one stick to the agenda, and just go hit the wall - no matter how controversial it is, or safely lurk around and pass it by coz it is too messy to touch?

And the rest of the media is pointing fingers at the Internet, saying it is unregulated. But they forget to mention all the fine prints they put out there - "The opinions expressed in this show are of the people only and not necessarily the television company" or "the editor's opinion, and not that of the newspaper".

I applaud all the bloggers out there who address such issues either as a social essay or as part of their personal experiences. I write a personal blog, and I know its tougher writing about myself than why the finances of a certain country may not be looking too bright!!!

Yet, a part of me is was saddened by the show. Even though it is well accepted that it is only human to take the easy way out, I think if every time we try and be politically correct , the real voices may never be heard. And am not an expert, but I do understand that social changes are slow and often live in undercurrents.

So maybe thats what blogging is - about people who realize that enough of the candy floss newspapers and TV channels, that are often biases or censored or plainly subjected to the sponsor's whim in their opinion or reporting. We got to find a different way of talking about all that has been swept under the carpet for so long . . . . so why not take the responsibility onto ourselves, and be the drop today that might be the ocean of a future.

And please, since it is the season of disclaimers, I de like to say, not all NEWS news is opinionated, nor all Internet reasonably responsible communication.

And, just to highlight the irony inherent there - and this maybe digressing too during my recent trip to US I was listening to these two gentlemen debate the democrat and republican scenario of the presidential election at diner table and then one of them at some point said:

"I choose what news I read, and that's why I got to the Internet. What you heard is wrong, and maybe you should check the source of your news."

And then in a later conversation with me, where I like a typical hospitable Indian invited him over, he said :

"Oh but I read there are monkeys out there on the streets everywhere and I wouldn't risk coming to India."

To which, I had the perfect opportunity to quote him onto himself -

"What you heard is wrong, and maybe you should check the source of your news."

So its not a perfect world, so what, don't we learn enough about that every day. We blog, with pride and passion, and with imperfections. Yet we love it.

As a footnote :
I ve been blogging - reading and writing - for six(ish) years now, and I am proud of it. I just think this is a great place to be. And not every one can handle it, so the faint hearted needn't stress themselves out.

A Tale of Two Cities

2008-01-17T05:35:00.000+05:30

I was carrying my laptop, but I prefer writing on the paper, its more romantic. Besides when I am in the window seat, moving two other fellas out and wrestling with a heavy cabin baggage, and apologizing before I move back in, would have really killed all the spontaneous thoughts I felt like writing at the moment. So I just took out my e-ticket (which always comes in handy for writing) and scribbled pages and pages of it.

Don't worry I am not gonna put five and a half A4 size pages of scribble in this post - c'mon it is personal stuff!!! Besides you readers can be spared the trouble.Lets just stick to this portion then :-

SF did not like me much, and as a matter of fact the feelings were entirely mutual. For reasons I would rather not get into the details of, I wished I could spend all my time down the sunnier south. But if only life was every wish come true . . .

(coz even though it gives some, it applies pre-conditions on others and the largest share it completely ignores, which in my right mind I am rather thankful of, but we are talking about wishes here, so what the hell),

...which it is not, I anyways divided my time - unequally and gladly giving my favourite place the larger share - between the north and south of California.

It (USA) wasn't all that impressive at the first glance, and one reason could be that I've seen a lot of those things which are typically though of as a prerogative of the developed nations in some other parts of the world I've had a chance to visit before, and those are some of the most obvious things strikingly different from India. Secondly, we are absolutely getting there in this country. U name it and we have it . . .

Nevertheless, for me, home is where my heart is.
It is the people who make or break the experience of a place for me. And that's why I am so choosy about who I be with, and have such partial opinions of the places I've had a good time at.

In a nutshell, it was a great trip . . . . and this is the all the travelogue I ll ever write.

P.S. It was technically three, and if u really go by the zip codes, they will be a lot more.

Via Singapore

2008-01-14T00:43:00.000+05:30

It's more like a tradition, or ritual, to write at least one blog post, orkut scrap or email from Singapore. And I have so much time in transit I am gonna do all of it :D

Oh, and its not like am a crazy techie who cant live a moment without her laptop - am a total shopaholic, even if my pocket may not permit otherwise, i can spend hrs just window shopping.
So the thing is its middle of the night, and damn I thought duty free wld be open 24x7 .... I think they shd, there wld be more enthusiasts like me.

Oh, am actually on my way back home....will write in detail (yeah right) once I am cozily back in Bangalore.

Which wont be too long ..... :)

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2008

2008-01-02T11:43:00.000+05:30

CHEERS !!!

Notes from outer space

2007-11-28T20:27:00.000+05:30

Okie . . . so the reason I ve not been blogging is that, currently I am on a long inter-galactic travel schedule, and I don't find much leisure time to sit and ponder, and write my thoughts down.

First of all its difficult to keep track of sleeping and waking hours, coz for all of u who haven't done this yet, let me tell you there is only dark black expanse all around, so matter what part of my light year day I wake up in, it is only a night time scenario here.

And, I 'll save u the effort of imagining any beauty, coz lemme tell u it is not at all beautiful or friendly, as it seems from our planet earth.

Those starts that twinkle so harmlessly on a clear sky day, are the pretty scary from a up close, ready to scorch all life out of me least I leave caution out for a moment. Those are the times I wonder why did I come chasing them in the first place. From back home they were dreams worth a quest - but in reality they are only big blobs of roaring fire.

And as if that wasn't enough, there are loads of asteroid pieces flying afloat everywhere, that I've to keep dodging off all the while just to stay alive.

So u see, its not as cozy or scenic as I had imagines, and the moments that take my breath away are only the ones when a stray piece of asteroid threatens to ram into my little space ship.
I ll put up more updates, when I get back to home earth. Right now if I pay too much attention adding onto this post, I may not survive to tell the tale.

Let There Be Light !!

2007-11-07T20:17:00.000+05:30

आप सब को दीपावली की बहुत बहुत शुभकामनाएँ

आने वाला वर्ष शुभ एवम् मंगलमय हो . . .

Jab We Met

2007-11-02T22:04:00.000+05:30

( It's not a review, only my very personal experience)

Cute, fun, perfect date movie !! Nothing heavy, not getting-on-the-nerves stupidity.
Has Shahid Kapoor started to look hotter, (now that he is single and available again) or is my taste in men undergoing a change. And Kareena was bearable too. Surprise!

I didn't have great expectations honestly, mayb that helped. But after a really long time the movie experience was good, the place, the people and the mood all of it helped.
I think the last romantic movie I had enjoyed to this extent was Socha Na Tha (Ayesha Takia and Abhay Deol in 2005).

Sorry, cant stop raving about Shahid again !!!
I ve always bee a great fan of his dancing skills, and even though this movie didn't have his best moves, I think the music and settings were pretty good to have left a lasting dancing impression on me .

Confession: I was grooving in my seat through at least three of the songs, ha ha.

Okie, take a look for urself here : put on the headsets and get grooving.
Afsoos, I couldn't find the entire song on youtube. :(

Digression

2007-10-25T23:14:00.000+05:30

Just letting off some steam….read at ur own risk.

What I hate the most is - people, RANDOM PEOPLE, thinking they are all important, give me lectures, so much lecture, oh the good the bad the right and the wrong . . . . I recently had such an escapade with a close family friend, who almost brought me to tears, made me feel so guilty -as if by just not getting married I am committing such a huge crime against my parents and the whole humanity!

I wish I could just scream out aloud and shut all these people out.

And when I say random I mean so f****** random, people who have never cared to say a "hi" before, or enquired if I am alive or dead, come around expressing their love for me, their concern for my family and ideas and opinions on getting me married.

I can deal with it on my level mostly, I am fine, but I feel genuinely bad for my parents, who have to hear this many times every hour . . . . . . and I so don't know what to then at times. And it is not just I, so many women I know and their parent are similarly harassed by such unsolicited advisors - I de call them devils in disguise!!!

And with the wedding season drawing close, more family gatherings on the cards, it is just gonna get worse. I so hate this emotional blackmailing . . . . .

Get a life folks, and let me have one too.

P.S. I ll try not to post such rants in future, but cant promise anything.

It’s Raining Men

2007-10-22T23:59:00.000+05:30

Indeed the weeding season is catching up . . . . people are getting married, people are attending marriages, people are contemplating marriages and people are planning their own, friends', relatives' weddings and everybody is talking about it.
(including abhi and eM, and I haven't yet read through my entire feed list)

This weekend I too flew to Delhi, for a quick catch up on all the hungama, as my best friend got engaged to the love of her life, and is all set to tie the knot soon, and settle down in happy matrimony!
Sounds quite rosy, but when I went around checking her to-do and shopping lists I wasn't thinking like this at all. In fact all the first two days I wondering why the hell is she investing so much of time and effort on planning and coordinating and detailing an engagement ceremony, why is she running behind the event managers, the florists, the caterers, and just about anybody she could find and give instructions and more instructions.
(Btw, this bride in question, is super creative and has done so many of her friends' and cousins' weddings before that she is an expected at planning and organizing and was expectedly overflowing with ideas for her own).

I, meanwhile, was wondering all the while - is one person really worth all that much anxiety and chaos, care and affection. Is marriage ever "happily ever after", will they not fight or disappoint each other any more, wil these little devils suddenly transform into angels of love and peace?
All these question were swirling in my head when she was yelling for a driver, fussing for the dress, waiting for the makeup, fidgeting in the traffic, lost at the venue, smiling at the guests . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . till her fiancé walked in and took her hand, walked her up the stage – in the sparkling aqua theme of the day - and they smiled, at each other and the cameras hereafter . . . .

And then time stopped . . . . or mayb didn't matter any longer. Nothing mattered, and I realized why all this is so worth the while.

I ve known Shikha long enough and well enough to know that it was a very happy and very special moment in her life. And it was very special for me too . . . .

And the wedding's soon too, so there is a lot more to do, lot more to see and hear and shut out . . . but I know I ll be more involved, more helpful (hopefully) and completely sold onto the idea, that with the right person and at the right time, a walk down the aisle or around the fire is just the thing for everybody, including me.

-------------------------

And there's more, the flights and the rides have been nerve-wracking. Started with a reschedule, to I almost missing it, for nothing as interesting as a lover, nor anything as boring as traffic jam, but that's again a little personal detail, but whatever the cause, the 45 mins to airport were super-edgy, and the ride back to office after I landed in Bangalore was equally adventurous and irritating.

Critical questions - flights full of chatty ppl and noisy kids - is there a way to know that before hand and find a way out? Or can Bangalore find a way sustain little rain showers?
And how do you keep your eyes open at work on a monday after such an exciting weekend, when all I want to do is dream my dream-theme.

Alas, life is not always a joy ride, not till u r up at the alter - its only those few flickering moments. Not much before (and I had a peep into that), nor is there a promise of much after.

Yet, a few powerful moments that change the course of life, forever . . . .

What has happened to the virtual world?

2007-10-17T02:58:00.001+05:30

My reader feeds are empty . . . messengers are quite, orkut is dead, and facebook is hardly picking up . . .

Even the official mail seems to have hit a roadblock!
And have they stopped sending those things called forwards?
News items are stale . . . . dollar’s been falling, sensex has been rising . . .

What has everybody got so busy with?

Bored of…

2007-10-11T01:26:00.000+05:30

Lengthy posts & wordy authors.
Repeated controversies - especially about nonexistent yet superhyped Indian morality.
Discussions about how life should be lived - endless clamoring of "the practicals" and "the emotionals"
Men trying to make conversation before they come to the point, which most often is - "are you single?"
Bollywood movies - it's been a horrible year!
Family, friends and well wishers trying to get me hooked.
Family, friends and well wishers telling me the evils of marriage! (how ironic)
Banks / financial institutions claiming to go online, yet no transactional interconnectivity b/w competitors.
People forever tweaking their orkut profiles!! (I shd turn the alerts off)
Making the effort to think abt this list . . . . .

Penny wise . . . Pound foolish

2007-09-28T06:55:00.000+05:30

Even as a little girl, my grandma used to say for me - here is a girl with expensive tastes.
And I have to admit I was always a little fussy and choosy when it came to certain things . . . which could easily have been most of the things, but then when is it easy to recall our own follies. Yet, that was then and as a kid it is really hard to put or recognize a price tag on most things anyway. Mayb I just went for the ones that displayed a much refined taste, and hence were pricier in a world of adults dealing with dimes and dollars . . . paise and rupee oh yes!!!
I don’t have any concrete example to support that anyway. Nor am I going to ask my grandma to recall and quote one either.

As an adult though, it is not a very good trait to have "ruins of" attached to. Oh! yes, it is very much in ruins . . . life does sober down most whacky desires.

But what I call unfair is the fact that even basic and simple things - and not the materialistic ones really - sometimes seem so unattainable . . .

Maybe in a different universe, in a different currency, in a different sensibility, there is a price attached to them too, and I happen to put my hand only on the ones which may befit a lucky queen.

What dreams may come..

2007-09-20T18:56:00.000+05:30

As I walked into the room I couldn't help noticing her face as she lay silently asleep. I hoped it was a sound sleep; coz I could make out it wasn't a pleasant one. The only word to describe the expression of the still face is - agony.

I looked a little closely, and I realized her lashes were blacker, not with some color but with moisture. The pink flowers on the pillow were a shade darker where her face rested, guessed they must have been sprinkled aplenty, because they were still struggling to absorb all the salt and water that came their way.

Her eyelids were bordering a deep shade of purple, could be from pain, or bruised by sharp edges of dreams that broke and floated around in her eyes, as a punishment for having conceived them in the first place.

I prayed to heavens above that she'd get a dreamless quite sleep tonight, because the day ahead wasn't going to offer her any better. Sleep was her only escape and a chance to revive some faith.

Dreamless sleep or sleepless dream, which is a better bet? The later is ecstatic but the former it at least not agonizing. . .

God Said

2007-09-18T23:55:00.000+05:30

Not a day of peace. . . and that's what's in store for you in this life, my dear.
.
.
.

And I am living it out.
But I wonder, why did He add "my dear" at the end?

F.R.I.E.N.D.S.

2007-09-09T16:41:00.000+05:30

As you grow up, and learn, see and live more of life, you begin to appreciate and identify more with the FRIENDS !!!

Oh, cut the crap, it is maybe just a fixation, a phase everybody has to go through at least once in a lifetime, when all you waana do is watch FRIENDS.

And weekends certainly help that cause.

--------------------------------------

If you want to make God laugh, tell him your future plans. WOODY ALLEN

....found that in the month's edition of Reader's.

Dark Waters

2007-09-01T05:12:00.000+05:30

You cannot see it, only feel it
the sea by the night,
becoz it's waves touch the shore,
wet the sand below your feet.

Bringing along treasures of its heart
a few plain looking shells and snails
It only has a low rumbling to
let you on it's presence there,
and a promise that when the sun
will rise from it's womb,
at horizon's slice
You will be greeted with the vision
of it's true blue green splendour

Like the promise of a love
only beginning to unfold
dark and mysterious, yet touching you
in a way you cannot ignore.

Promises of jewels and beasts
each within it's breast, yet unsure
which will be presented onto you the next.

Sea is troubled by the moon, perhaps
lonely despite its expanse,
it tries to reach out to you
and you shy away from it's tide
choosing a more sheltered cocoon.

You choose to wait and test
your faith, in the day's light
only by then the agony of
sea has quietened; tired or
dispelled of its nightly dreams.
Awakened to a world of possibilities
a world of other shores
cool and quite by moonlight . . .

Jewels

2007-08-29T03:48:00.000+05:30

Once in a while, somethings resurface in the mind, as if from a surprise visit to my own treasure trove. I've been thinking of this song for a while today, and the lines that follow.....

And this, last bit , I tried hunting for the original narration audio by Gulzar, but could not find a version to post on this blog.

But it's too beautiful to be missed....

मुझको भी तरकीब सिखा कोई यार जुलाहे
अकसर तुझको देखा है कि ताना बुनते
जब कोइ तागा टुट गया या खत्म हुआ
फिर से बांध के और सिरा कोई जोड़ के उसमें
आगे बुनने लगते हो

तेरे इस ताने में लेकिन
इक भी गांठ गिराह बुन्तर की
देख नहीं सकता है कोई
मैनें तो इक बार बुना था एक ही रिशता
लेकिन उसकी सारी गिरहें
साफ़ नज़र आती हैं मेरे यार जुलाहे

मुझको भी तरकीब सिखा कोई यार जुलाहे

Bits & Pieces Vol. 11

2007-08-21T17:17:00.000+05:30

Whoever said Koel (the bird) sings in a voice that is mellifluous!

Mayb it does in movies, when its time for actors to start singing and dancing in the rain.
I certainly don't find it even one bit inviting when it decided to croon outside of my window early in the morning, when I am trying so hard to stuff my blanket closer and concentrate on my dream. Am not an early riser by any chance, but often these days the Koel chooses to be my defualt alarm clock ( and a very persisitent one ). . . no matter what the time of the day, it ensures not to stop till it has taken away the last drops of my dreamy dreams in the daylight.

I just wonder if it is one lone warrior, of they have an entire army to keep guard and change duties daily, ensuring they get cursed enuff from me.
And the best part is, when the Koel breed takes a day off, they make sure to send a Crow as substitute.

Somebody tell them about devil and the deep sea !!

-------------------------------

I am reading "The Witch of Portobello" by Paulo Coelho.

Love, they tell me. But love doesn't bring and never has brought happiness. On the contrary, it's a constant state of anxiety, a battlefield; it's sleepless nights, asking ourselves all the time if we're doing the right thing. Real love is composed of ecstasy and agony.

Nothing new really, in fact you can find almost similar sounding paragraph in "The Valkyries"by the same author.

Most new wisdom, is only old wisdom repackaged.

-------------------------------

Life will always take you by surprise.
If you leave no room for surprises, you leave no room for life.

Am not a perfect person…

2007-08-20T21:31:00.000+05:30

Things that hurt me, stay with me.
Almost like venom, seeping in all the time, and sometimes it even becomes a part of me, my thinking, my retorts. And ppl who had dished it initially hate to get it back from me . . .

So if u hear me voicing some of ur own crap, u shd know I may have forgiven it, but it shall never be forgotten.

Yes, I do have some baggage of my own too.

The Windchime

2007-08-14T01:56:00.000+05:30

"I don't want be alone for the rest of my life."

"Is that a question or a statement?"

"Why would it be a question?"

"Coz you are the one who brought us here. Are you feeling guilty?"

"Sadly, I have no remorse."

"How ironic."

Ridhi turned and left. She was the one who felt remorse, she was the one facing a lifetime of loneliness ahead of her. She was the one whose beliefs were broken beyond repair. She was the one, who was being left behind. She was the one who tried, she was the one who lost.
And the only reason he gave her was - "I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life."

Ironic indeed, his fear of loneliness, and she was forced to live it through.

Sometimes it takes a lifetime to build one relationship, and sometimes it takes up all that is alive.

Sameer, was just a passing breeze, but he uleashed a storm in her life. And she spends a long time picking up the pieces . . . . everyday.

Sweet is the taste of the day . . .

2007-08-10T00:06:00.000+05:30

. . . and pink is what every little girl wants on her birthday !!

Full Circle

2007-07-28T03:51:00.000+05:30

Writing requires patience, a virtue I have been congenitally deficient in.
Plus there are too many other channels draining out my already meager, and daily depleting reservoirs of patience.

One inevitable side-effect is irregular blogging and loss of concentration.

I am tying alternate therapies, and praying something works. Till then, gotta hang in there and have patience.

Life will come a full circle . . . . someday.

Magic for Muggles 101

2007-07-17T18:50:00.000+05:30

Another round of Harry Potter, another reinforcement to my beliefs that they are only the simple things in life that count.

The Voldemort(s) and wannabes almost kill themselves getting "it" all . . . only to be laughed at by a petty Potter boy, who says I have all the love and friendship in the world, and those are things good enough fighting for.

And I wish I had a broomstick of my own . . . not only would it be a perfectly cost effective way to beat Bangalore’s traffic, it can give me the feeling of being alight in the air.

But, can an airlift beat the heaviness of the heart? It is easy to believe so - no wonder The Dark Lord has so many followers in the muggle world too.

We fight, and often lose, and you don’t even need big sells to make it happen, a "Goodbye" can kill enough. Yet there are those who choose to stay, and bring an army of Death Eaters down.

Towards the end of this book, (and now movie) Harry is bewildered as to what are those powers that he has and Voldemort does not, and that he fears.

Dumbledore tried to explain, yet name it not . . . . (lemme quote the author now)

It contains a force that is at once more wonderful and more terrible than death, than human intelligence, than the forces of nature. It is also, perhaps, the most mysterious of the many subjects for study that reside there. It is the power held within that room that you possess in such quantities and whichVoldemort has not at all.That power took you to save Sirius tonight. That power also saved you from possession by Voldemort, because he could not bear to reside in a body so full of the force he detests. In the end, it mattered not that you could not close your mind. It was your heart that saved you.

"It was your heart that saved you."
And that's what you need to remember. And thats all in today's lecture for the course Magic for Muggles 101.

Day to-day

2007-07-10T18:02:00.000+05:30

We all live in the hope of "a tomorrow" . . .I do.
A tomorrow that may or may not come, it can be better that I have thought or worse than I could ever imagine.

Life changes everyday . . . and moods even more than that.
I open a word doc all set to write my next masterpiece post. But often the blank screen wipes off my head clean, to mirror itself . . . of everything I was thinking, or was intending to create.

At times like these I go through my archive to see what was life like at this time of the year last ear or the one before that . . .Most things look good / tolerable in retrospect.
And sometimes good memories haunt and hurt more than they provide solace.

Past is just the foundation, and with every passing it sinks a day-inch deeper into the ground. Everyday I need to add on top of it . . .just to keep it above the surface, breathing and alive.

Every day counts, my dear.

गूगल को शत शत नमन

2007-07-07T03:15:00.000+05:30

मुझे कब से इसी दिन का इंतज़ार था .... ये लाजवाब है, हिंदे लिपी में स्वचालित अनुवाद।
अरे वाह! ये तो पूर्ण विराम भी लागाता है ...

अंततः गूगल देवता ने मेरी सुन ली, और ये अति उत्तम तरीका मुझे दिया हिंदी लिखने का। धन्य हो महाराज , आप ना होते तो हम लघु मनुष्य ना जाने कब तब इस सहजता से वंचित रहते।

गूगल देवता की जय !

For Post's Sake

2007-07-01T18:26:00.000+05:30

And coz I am a big fan of Celine Dion.

Bits & Pieces Vol.10

2007-06-20T15:18:00.000+05:30

The thing about rains is that washes everything off . . .

And hence has the powers to bring forth the most beautiful or gory face of life forward.

The nature, the buildings, the roads the people are washed off all the paint, layers of dust and grit, or that warm cocoon of lies. The world and its people in their true self, without any pretense without any layer of mis-belief unknowingly or unknowingly worn over their skin.

Rains symbolize an “unleash” – of thoughts and emotions, desires and aspirations, and expression. That maybe is the beauty of it, that maybe is the reason why thoughts find a word and emotions find an expression in this season of water pouring from skies.

--------------------------------------------------------

“You don’t have to wear a badge on your arm to have honor.”

Lt.Daniel Kaffee (Tom Cruise) in A Few Good Men
(Another of my favorite movies, almost by hearted now… )

But that is not easy, to stand for what one believes in and give it all. Still I ll give it a shot in this lifetime.

--------------------------------------------------------

And life's full of ugly surprises. It's a different thing to read or hear about them , another to come face-to-face with them.

On that hot afternoon in Delhi, when the mercury would have easily shot above 45 degree Celsius, there was this one rickshaw driver bargaining for Rs.25 (from metro station to a certain DU campus), each inch of which he had to plough with his own sweat and life blood.
It was only when we got down that we got to know he was a double M.A. in Hindi and Political Science, and had come to Delhi a few days ago looking for a job.

He was still awaiting his promised interview with a media company and was pulling that rickshaw to earn himself do-waqt-ki-roti.

I almost hated every kilo of my weight and my suitcase weight he might have had to pull all through.

My uncle gave him an address and mobile number to try his luck with a construction company, coz he still had the spirit to ‘earn’ his livelihood. There was an honor yet a helplessness, a spark yet a threat of disillusion lurking in his eyes.

Been a few weeks, but I still wonder if that man got a job, is his life any better off than what I had last witnessed . . .

--------------------------------------------------------

All that you wish for, doesn't happen when you wish for. Most things have a large (now this can be a subject of discussion) waiting period before they are realized.
And in times like those we console ourselves saying "the right time" is yet to come.....

Nevermind all that philosophizing, sometimes its sheer luck (of divine conspiracy) or laziness that keeps pushing things off.

I finally finished reading this book, and I think it is a beautiful - worthy or every word of praise that has been written about it.

And if you ask me why it took me so long to finally get to it . . . I'de say the universe conspired such!

Q

2007-06-19T15:07:00.000+05:30

If lack of sleep is called insomnia,
would lack of quality sleep be called quality insomnia??

Flight of Fancy

2007-06-11T21:34:00.000+05:30

Coming from home is never without a twitch of heaviness in the heart. It has been such always with the only exception of the time when I came to Bangalore for the first time. Then the excitement had overpowered every other emotion. Or maybe I was too naive to make out the difference. At that time it had felt like yet another vacation, and it took a while for me to realize that from then on vacations would become home bound.

Interestingly, after nearing three years in this city I am confounded with the big question that did I fly back home or fly away from home this morning?

It was a queer two and a half hour flight, two and a half hours or jumbled thought, two and a half hours of interestingly silly observations, two and a half hours to collect my thought before I get back to 'my' and only my life.

O mere humrahi, meri baanh thame chalna,
Badle duniya sari, tum na badalna.
Pyar humein bhee sikhladega,
Gardish mein sambhalna . . .

That was the background music that was playing repeatedly in the aircraft. It was like a sequence of songs, and I hardly noticed any of the other tunes, but every time this one came on I invariably found my attention driftingly commanded by it. So in a way I felt this was the only song they played throughout the flight.

Then there was this gentleman sitting a few seats ahead who was constantly checking the same old mails over and over again, selecting and de-selecting the same line, scrolling up and scrolling down. So I began to wonder what is it that he is doing. My head started spinning off stories of love and romance, girl that was, is or may be. Was it a fight they were having, a deadlock, old memoirs or a future hope? I was weaving all those lofty webs till I caught the words "Bug" and "Changes" and "ERP/CRM" etc, on the top as big subject line. What a disappointment, and all my romantic daydreams flew out of the window into the clouds below.

Next I realized all those lipstick marks I made in the course of the small flight, on the juice straw, on the plastic fork, on the coffee cup, on at least three water bottles, maybe there was a paper napkin too . . . the interesting thing is, the same lipstick looks a different shade on ever different surface. No wonder it has always been a cause of much trauma and drama in the history of man-kind.

Also I was making some to-do lists, enumerating to-pay bills, both of which are impossible to keep count of anyway.
Read a bit of the book I was carrying, and then gazed into the world around, and read a little again, and peeked more into lives around . . .

Finally, it was time for the much awaited landing, and I rearranged my bag, rearranged my thought and got ready to step out into open air rich with life supporting oxygen and a level ground below my feet.

But before all that, I made a note of all these thought that ran through that small space of time and large space of distance and temperature, and jotted it down on the blank side of my e-ticket, for I had pen and no paper, and the only paper they carry on board is the newspaper or toilet paper!

Touch down.

So much for my happy ending

2007-06-01T16:56:00.001+05:30

I am upset, really really upset . . . had I been buying books from a street peddled, I might have expected or made peace with it all, but I had bought this book from a good bookstore (The Corner Bookstore inside St.Mark's Road Barista/Lavazza, Bangalore), for a good price, and it had seven whole pages missing in the end . . .

One flips through the book to ensure if the print is okie, if no pages are torn, but I dont jump to the last page to read how the story ends! And I credit myself for the patience that I have there.

It was even more torturing, coz I was awake till wee hours of the morning, tyring to finish off this book, and at somewhere around 4 AM I realise my book is way short of the closing lines!!!

Dunno who to blame, coz there is no way to ensure life wld be fair and square...even if you give it your best shot.

Damn, "The Inscrutable Americans", it just had to live upto its name . . .

The month that was...

2007-05-30T15:36:00.000+05:30

Last month saw me once again united with my age old flame, my first love, and the most sincere ,loyal and dependable...... of all that have come along later down the years.....

Here, take a look...

......

Days of my life

2007-05-26T20:10:00.000+05:30

Phir wahi raat hai
Phir wahi raat hai khwaab ki
Ho . . . raat bhar khwaab main, dekhaa karenge tumhe
Phir wahi raat hai . . .

Yesterday, this song wont stop playing in my head . . .
It was like a familiar night . . . same festivities, same places, same people, and the skies were pouring down just the same. Can I be blamed for the nostalgia then?

Just that this time around I had lot less surprises in store. Mayb that's the upside of having being-there-done-that. One is probably better prepared, but another side is that there are always memories (which decide the up and down sides) that come haunting back at every step.

Maasoom si neend main,
Jab koi sapnaa chale
Hum ko bula lena tum, palkon ke parde tale
Ho ye raat hai khwaab ki, khwaab ki raat . . .

Yesterday's were good though, and they usually have been good, coz off late the philosophy has been to live every day to the fullest and as much as possible . . . Now, can anyone blame me for being so dreamy eyed and smiling all the time !!

I know it is easier said than done, I am no expert at it myself. I cry and crib just as much and just as often, but a little effort, no matter how random, to see the better side of things, to remember only that which brings back a smile to the face makes a huge difference in times like these . . . . all the time.

You think my post is inspired by the song, well mayb, it’s a song I sing . . . .

Kaanch ke khwaab hain
Aankhon mein chubh jaayenge
Ho palkon pe lenaa inhe, aankhon main ruk jaayenge
Ho . . . ye raat hai khwaab ki, khwaab ki raat
Phir wahi raat hai

Serendipity

2007-05-16T19:27:00.000+05:30

'Ve said it before, and its is easy to forget it, but it keeps reminding of it’s truth - the fact that a few words of wisdom can be hidden in almost any crack or crease of life.

No point talking about the sources, they are hardly repeated - everyone's gotta do their own bit of gold digging, and it usually is not just one mine, but are likely to be scattered over in precious bits - btw, this is what I found…

"Instead of showing our emoting, we sometimes try the other way . . . i.e. we try not to sound or look sentimental, even when we actually are just to maintain the cool image . . . . . or 'coz we don't want to share our vulnerable side with everybody."

"When in love u tend to appear very vulnerable to the person u love . . .
So even if you r chilled out for the world, u may come across as very senti & mental to the people you love.
And may be that just shows your love for them."

"Being vulnerable is part of being in a relationship. It can feel scary, but it's a testimony to trust - not only the trust you have in your partner, but also the trust you have in yourself to deal with it."

"Acknowledge and respect the softer emotional side of yourself . . . . it's cool to be emotional . . . but remember not to overdo it."